I feel so manic today. I'm sitting at the computer and Steve is asleep and I'm listening to the kids getting chips out of the pantry at 9:45 in the morning. I know I should be monitoring them better but I'm trying to decide what to do today. And I have about 20 ideas of what I want to do, including buying tile to tile my coffee table, go shopping for a birthday gift for the neighbor, updating the blog, drafting a letter that I've been meaning to write, etc... There's so much to do and so little time and I am just overwhelming myself with the possibilities. And by so little time I mean before I have to do chemo #4 on Tuesday. After that I will be in bed for a week, barely able to lift my head and I feel like I have to fit in a week's worth of errands and stuff I want to do.
I probably should go outside and pull weeds to clear my head. But these few days before chemo create absolute chaos in my mind and all I can do is think. It's almost impossible to quiet my mind. As I've been sitting here at the computer I had a memory of being in the hospital and Dr. Dave came to talk to me after the colon cancer diagnosis. I will never forget what he told me, "If you want to eat an ice cream you should eat an ice cream. And when you go home you should get your affairs in order." He told me to get my affairs in order!!! What the F@$*???!!! I think about that a lot because I am determined NOT to get my affairs in order. I am only 38 years old for goodness sake. And so when I am feeling manic and I have a million ideas about what to do today, getting my affairs in order is never one of them.
