I haven't posted anything new in a while because things haven't changed much. Although the recovery from surgery has been long and difficult, I am getting stronger everyday. I think the fact that I'm not facing anymore chemotherapy has done wonders for my overall outlook so even when I am exhausted (which seems like all the time), I feel very positive. Steve's mom is here helping us so she has taken the burden of household chores from me. Because of that I've been able to concentrate on the kids and their needs, especially school stuff. I am so grateful for her and everything she does for us.
I am still trying to come to terms with what being "done with treatment" acutally means. I am so relieved to be "cancer free" but at the same time I am afraid to stray too far from being a patient. I have been super strict about what I allow myself to eat for fear that any sugar, preservatives, or all the other bad stuff will trigger a relapse. And every twinge or pain I feel, I find myself wondering what it means. Just today I received something in the mail about heart disease and how it's the silent killer and my first thought was that I should make an appointment to have my heart checked out. I guess I'm a little paranoid. But Dr. McNamara said that would happen and it's normal to feel that way. I think I will be able to relax a little when I have another scan.
In the meantime, I tell anyone who asks that my life is forever changed in the best way possible from this whole experience. I am thankful for the smallest things. Yesterday the kids and I displayed our Halloween decorations and they were SO excited. I was so grateful to be here for that.
