Ditty Bobs

My poor plants had been neglected for so long since Steve's incident so just recently, when I've had any free moments, I've been diligently trying to bring them back to life.  It's funny how there are routine things that you place a certain amount of importance on and then in a crisis, those things don't even enter your mind.  Anyway, I went outside in the front yard to water and I heard a noise behind me so I turned to look.  One of my elderly neighbors in a wheelchair was being wheeled by her caregiver and they stopped in front of our house.  I could tell she was talking to me but I couldn't hear her with the sound of the streaming water coming from the hose so I turned it off to listen.  In her feeble voice, she asked how Steve was doing. 

I walked over to her and told her that Steve has been home since April 23rd and that he's doing remarkably well.  She asked me exactly what happened to him so I gave her the reader's digest version.  Then she told me that someone had put a "ditty bob" in her yard for Steven.  She said that it was still there and I could even come down to her house and look at it.  I thought about walking down there to take a gander at the ditty bob but then I thought better of it.  I figured if I went down there I'd soon be stuck talking to her about ditty bobs and that wasn't exactly the conversation I wanted to have, especially since at this point, I didn't have the foggiest idea what the hell she was talking about.

On this Memorial Day weekend, thank you to all who have remembered Steve and what he's been through, especially if you put a ditty bob in your yard for him.  But mostly, we wish peace and love to all who are remembering someone special who served in the armed forces or even someone who was special to you that did not serve but is no longer on mother earth.  As I sit here typing and thinking about what a special holiday this Monday is, I am proud to be an American and I am grateful to all who now serve or who have ever served our country.  I am also grateful to anyone who has dedicated his or her life to public service or service of any kind that helps people.  As another holiday is approaching and soon will pass, I am grateful Steve is here to share it with me.        

One Smoothie at a Time

Today, Steve met Dr. Hammoudeh for the first time since being awake and out of the drug induced coma.  On our way to the appointment in Glendale this morning, I recapped the role Dr. Hammoudeh played in Steve's treatment and how I believed the good doctor was integral.  Steve listened intently and asked a few questions and still, when the doctor walked into the exam room, I was surprised to see Steve surprised.  Somehow, I forgot that Steve was really meeting him for the first time.  Before the doctor walked in, however, we were relieved that they wanted to take Steve's first post-op x-ray.  We've been waiting for almost seven weeks to see if Steve's mandible is healing well.  The success of all of the treatment Steve has had up until now has been contingent upon whether or not the jaw bone, which was shattered into thousands of pieces, is healing and calcifying back together.  So, needless to say we were really anxious to see the results for ourselves.

First, the doctor examined Steve's mouth and felt along the outside of Steve's jaw bone.  He was very thorough and he took his time.  He seemed very happy with the outside appearance of Steve's jaw and especially, the sites where the pins of the fixator go into the mandible.  Without patting myself on the back, I have to boast that I have been extremely diligent about keeping Steve's pins clean.  As we were admonished so many times in the hospital by practically every doctor involved in the care of Steve's jaw, the pin sites are very much subject to infection.  And if Steve were to somehow contract an infection in his jaw, that could be absolutely disastrous.  So I was very happy that the doctor was happy with the pin sites.

Finally, the doctor showed us the x-ray (which I took pictures of with my cell phone, hence the poor quality of the picture):

The left side of this x-ray, which is actually the right side of Steve's face, shows the devastating injury.  Right above the top of Steve's metal pin on the right side of his face (left side of the x-ray), you can actually see where the jaw bone was sheared off.  All of the teeth on the bottom right side of his mouth (left side of the x-ray), are gone and most of the jaw bone too.  The three teeth on the bottom which are sort of grouped together are all loose and the doctor said that Steve will lose those once his mouth is unwired.  Below those three teeth are several bright spots on the x-ray which are bullet fragments but Dr. Hammoudeh said that bone will grow around those and they will not be removed at any point.  Basically Dr. Hammoudeh said that clearly by the x-ray, you can see what a catastrophic injury this is.  However, it is fixable with bone grafts, likely from Steve's pelvic bone, and then of course dental implants.

After reviewing the x-ray with us, Steve mentioned to Dr. Hammoudeh that he had been feeling a sharp point from one of the metal bands around his teeth that are keeping the jaw wired.  Steve asked the doctor if he could look at it and possibly fix it.  The doctor reexamined Steve and found a piece of Steve's jaw bone sticking out and determined that was what was poking Steve.  I'm so glad I had my eyes covered with my hands because the doctor took one of his tools and clipped the bone like it was a fingernail.  Steve is so brave...I would have fainted!

We asked Dr. Hammoudeh what we can expect in the upcoming weeks and months.  The doctor said that Steve will likely go about two more weeks with his jaw wired.  When his jaw is unwired and opened, he will lose all the teeth that are loose because they could cause an asphyxiation hazard. The unwiring of the jaw will be an outpatient surgery.  He will also still be on a liquid diet because they won't want to risk damage to the healing jaw bone so they will prohibit him from chewing solid foods.  The external pin fixator will remain on Steve's face for AT LEAST three more months.  Then they will reevaluate.  When they remove that, it will be another outpatient surgery.  At some point, when they are ready to reconstruct the jaw bone, they will likely use Steve's own bone from a bone graft of the pelvic bone.  That will require a short, possibly one or two day stay in the hospital (back to USC University Hospital).

All in all, we were very happy with Steve's appointment today because we feel like we have a better idea of how the bone is healing.  We were also happy to hear what's in store for Steve.  He was really worried about another possible long stay in the hospital.  Next week we have more appointments but for now, we are happily, gratefully taking one day and one chocolate peanut butter smoothie at a time.

Better and Better

Steve's has had some really good days and it was a great weekend.  It all started Friday when Steve went to the kids' school for their last computer lab session of the year.  Fridays used to be Steve's volunteer days at the school where he would help out in the computer lab.  Since Friday was their last session, and Steve was feeling well enough, he decided to drop in and see the kids one last time and show them that he is getting better and better.  He had a Q-n-A session and explained to the kids about the wire around his jaw and then he took a picture with the class.  He felt so honored that so many teachers and volunteers stopped in to shake his hand.

Saturday and Sunday were good days too with absolutely no headaches and Saturday night Steve was able to sleep fairly soundly the whole night without having taken vicodin.  He got up once but was able to go right back to sleep.  I have to think that perhaps the hypnotherapy is working really well for Steven.  Leanne, the hypnotherapist and life coach, has been working on helping Steve both with the headaches and with sleeping more soundly.  His last appointment with her was Friday so that's pretty convincing evidence that those appointments are really helping.

As I mentioned before, I have been seeing Leanne too and she is really helping me sort out some of the craziness in my head about what has happened.  I noticed lately that I've been very resistant to doing things that I know need to do.  I guess the best word for it is procrastination.  Just thinking about doing what I need to do causes me a sort of emotional discomfort.  And Leanne helped me understand this important point, that where there is discomfort, there is the opportunity for growth.  I like that.  It's helping me find perspective.

This week we have one doctor appointment and Steve is really looking forward to it.  We are scheduled to see Dr. Hammoudeh on Wednesday.  Steve does not remember Dr. Hammoudeh at all and I've explained that Dr. Hammoudeh is Dr. Urata's partner and a hugely significant member of the surgical team for Steve's jaw injury.  We are hoping that Dr. Hammoudeh can give us an exact date of when Steve's jaw will be unwired.  We are also hoping to get a better idea of the surgical plan for Steve so just maybe Steve can get rid of the feeding tube soon.

Earplugs

I feel so remiss.  In my attempt last night to thank so many people responsible for a spectacular event, I completely forgot to thank all the generous souls who donated products or services for the raffles.  I can't possibly name everyone, but thank you all so much for your generosity and willingness to help my family, even when most of you have never met us before.

One person I have to mention is Mark Aguilar, a Metropolitan Division officer who owns a business that, after reviewing his website, sells custom earplugs among several other items.  Yesterday at the barbeque, Mark had a booth for his business, Flashbang Gear, and he was creating custom earplugs for those interested.  He donated the proceeds to our family, so with all my heart, thank you, Mark.  

My daughter, Janie, is one of countless numbers of kids who have required the placement of tubes in their ears to deal with recurring ear infections.  Janie had her surgery about six months ago so she hasn't been through a summer yet where she's had to wear earplugs for swimming.  Kids with tubes can't submerge their heads and risk water in the ear canal.  Of course, we intended to buy her the custom earplugs because she loves to swim so yesterday, when we saw that Mark had set up shop and was creating earplugs, we jumped at the chance to have them made for all three kids.  You see, even though the other two don't need the earplugs for swimming, we could never have left there with only one set of earplugs...we'd have never heard the end of it.

After the barbeque, the kids asked us all night long when their earplugs would arrive.  They couldn't wait to have them!  Well, the earplugs arrived today while the kids were in school courtesy of our friend and Steve's old partner, Steve Wills, who delivered them on his way home.  When the kids got home from school, they saw the earplugs on the table and it was like Christmas morning.  Shortly after that, everyone went their separate ways throughout the house to wind down from their day.  Steve laid down to take a nap and I just wanted to watch Oprah.  A little while later Steve told me this story.  He was sleeping soundly on the couch when suddenly he heard the blaring volume of cartoons on the TV in the next room.  It was SO loud it was as though the characters of whatever cartoon was on, likely Sponge Bob, were screaming in his ears.  Steve sat up and yelled, "HEY!!! HEY!!!  Who's in there?!"  No answer.  He yelled again.  Still no answer.  He yelled at least five more times (which I actually heard but was in no way interested in what might be transpiring so I stayed far, far away).  No answer.  Steve, pissed off and unable to hear himself think, was just about to leap off the sofa and into the next room when Ryan dawdled around the corner, probably looking for some sort of snack.  As he walked in Steve's direction, Steve noticed the unmistakable bright blue color of the earplugs stuffed into both of Ryan's ears.  "Gimme those things," Steve said to Ryan and snatched the earplugs out of his ears.  So as it turned out, that crazy kid went to watch TV with those earplugs in and couldn't hear so he turned the TV volume up to full blast.  Kids...  I guess Steve and I should've had a set of earplugs made too.

Mark's website is http://www.fbgear.com/.      

Paying Tribute

Today was an extraordinary day.  It was heart-stirring and moving, it was overwhelming and humbling, it was unprecedented.  Today was the Metropolitan Division benefit barbeque for Steve and our family in response to the events of April 4th.  To be truthful, Steve and I don't feel even remotely deserving of the love surrounding us today.  Steve, like the thousands of LAPD officers (the finest people we know), was just doing his job and I am just his wife.  There is nothing we have done to inspire such an outpouring of benevolence.  However, the outpouring proves one thing, that there are amazingly generous, good and kind souls out there that are responsible for uplifting the rest of us and showing us the good side of humanity.  For all the bad that we see, or may fall victim to, there is five times more good in the form of generous, gracious, compassionate people (all of you).  To all who attended today, thank you.  With all my heart, thank you.

On behalf of Steve and our entire family, I say thank you to all the hardworking people assigned to Metropolitan Division who made today possible.  In particular, I'd like to thank those from MOS who organized such a huge event, as well as Matt Mattu and his son Shehbaz, the 7-11 owners who donated drinks and so much more.  You are all truly superheroes.  To Lt. Bob Arcos and all of K-9, every single one of you and your families will always be in our hearts and someday, some way, I will find a way to show you how grateful we are to you.  For now, I can only say thank you.  Thank you, we love you.

Finally, I'd like to say a very, very special thank you to Andrew Jenkins, one of the brightest lights of our life.  Andrew, without you I have no idea where we'd be.  You are an amazing young man, a truly great person, and we couldn't possibly be any prouder of you.  We love you, Andrew.  I'm so mad at myself that I didn't get any good pictures of you today.

Instead of recalling stories about the day and the amazing event, I have chosen to just show my collection of photos from the event.  Here is my tribute to the LAPD family:

Reflection

It's 10:20 pm, my house is finally quiet, and I am reflecting on the entire day. It started with me waking up to the steady pattering of rain on the concrete outside my window early this morning.  I felt peaceful and I had a feeling we would have a good day.  After getting the kids off to school, we came home for a short time before the school called for me to come pick up Kylie.  She was in the health office with a cough and I knew how a coughing child could be a distraction for the teacher.  Luckily Andrew agreed to babysit Kylie so we could leave on time for Steve's doctor appointment.

We made our way up to USC University Hospital, a trip, I explained to Steve, that I felt like I had done a hundred times.  In a strangely familiar way, it felt like going home.  As I pulled into the parking structure, I pointed out to Steve where I had often parked.  So many times, when I would pull in late at night, the very first parking spot, pole position my brother would call it, was available so I always considered that my personal parking spot.  After parking, we made our way to the doctor's office.  For the entire walk from the car, we talked about so many of the details of the routine I had carved out for myself, things I did to give myself a sense of security in the midst of my private pandemonium.

The office was beautiful, modern and clean, and the nurse practitioner was pleasant.  When Doctor Vincent L. Rowe walked in, I didn't recognize him at all.  I guess I never met the man which is not surprising since I couldn't have been with Steve 24/7 and the doctors made rounds at the most unreasonable hours.  He was a sharp, nice-looking and distinguished man who looked like someone I know.  Who does he look like to you???

Dr. Vincent L. Rowe

Anyway, he was pleased with Steve's progress.  I got to ask him if he thinks Steve will likely suffer any edema in his left arm in the future and he honestly didn't know.  He said some people have swelling and some people don't.  Basically we'll just have to wait and see.  The most important thing the doctor said that resonated with us was that Steve was VERY lucky.  We thought we already knew that but the doctor said that statistics have shown that patients who have suffered a penetrating injury of the subclavian vein (translation: gunshot wound to the vein under the clavicle) have a higher mortality rate than a penetrating injury to the artery.  When I got home and googled it, I found one study that showed a greater than 50% mortality rate for Steve's type of injury versus a 39% mortality rate for injury to the subclavian artery.  Needless to say, we walked out of there feeling very humbled and even more grateful than ever.

We got home safely this time, no fender benders thank God.  We were both exhausted and after I fixed dinner, cleaned the kitchen, helped with homework, facilitated baths, cleaned Steve's pins, folded the laundry, put the laundry away, admistered medications to everyone, and got everyone to bed, I had a chance to reflect on the day.  Truly, it was a great day. And grateful doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.  My one big regret is that amidst the chaos of "just trying to get things done," I was harsh to the kids.  My fuse was short, almost nonexistent, and at times I was downright mean to them.  Once they were in bed and the house was quiet, I felt horrible.  Along with Steve, the ones that matter the most are the kids and I let the stress of all the other stuff keep me from treasuring them the way I should.  That sucks.  You'd think I would have learned not to do that by now.  I'm tired and I'm going to bed.  I pray I can make it up to them tomorrow.

Getting Out

Steve had a good weekend and he is feeling stronger each day.  He still suffers from headaches almost daily but he is getting better at recognizing the onset so he does a good job of preventing the really bad episodes.  He is trying to do a little more activity each day so that he can build up his strength and stamina which is also helping his attitude and perspective.  Consequently, he is also doing more to help me with his daily care, making a mean protein smoothie and flushing his own feeding tube.  He said again today, as he does everyday, he is so grateful for his second chance and he has absolutely no complaints.

Tomorrow Steve has his first appointment for a follow up with the vascular surgeon, Dr. Rowe, who consulted with Dr. Hanpeter on the injury to the vein in Steve's chest.  Steve has been very lucky that he has not had anymore swelling in his left arm since he was in the hospital.  Initally, the vascular surgeon at Holy Cross said that Steve would have lifelong edema in that arm.  But so far, so good (knock on some derivative of wood).  I will be very curious to hear what the doctor says tomorrow and I am wondering if he believes that the swelling is gone for good or if he anticipates the edema will return when Steve becomes more active.

As I mentioned, Steve has had some good days lately and today was no exception.  Earlier in the day I dragged him with me to Whole Foods and after that he went with me to pick the kids up from school.  This was Steve's first opportunity to see the kids' wonderful teacher, Mrs. Sauers.  Before Steve's incident, he volunteered in our kids' class every Friday and after the incident, one of the first things he asked when he could speak was if Mrs. Sauers understood why he couldn't be there on Fridays. (OF COURSE she did)  It was very important for him to see her and explain for himself why he couldn't be there and how even if he was well enough, he thought his appearance would be a distraction to the kids.  But kids are so amazing.  The kids who have seen Steve really seem relieved that he's ok.  Some have raced to hug him and some just make sure to wave and say hello.  I believe that even in their five or six year-old minds, they are truly happy just to see him again.  For me, there has been so much healing in looking at Steve through the eyes of those kids.  Because after they give him that hug or the wave hello, it's back to business as usual.  Time to move on...there's way too much playing on the playground to do.  And watching that, I feel a delicate, almost ethereal, sense of reassurance that someday very soon, he will be volunteering on Fridays again.   

Picking Up the Pieces

Blogger had technical difficulties yesterday and that is why the last post went away for a while.  I'm disappointed because all of the comments that you guys added before yesterday were lost.  But I assure you that Steve and I read them before they were lost and they were recognized very much appreciated.

The last few days have been pretty eventful.  Steve's mom went home on Thursday and we are all missing her terribly.  It was such a traumatic month where we leaned on one another and grew very close as a family.  We felt extremely empty yesterday and just today we are beginning to snap out of it.  Even though we know she will be back soon, it's hard letting our Me-Mom go.  Thank you Me-Mom.

Steve had his second appointment yesterday with Leanne Crawford, life coach, hypnotherapist, and healer.  She is outstanding in her profession and she is an overall very generous, giving and healing person.  When she heard about what happened to Steve and how he was having trouble sleeping, she reached out to me to offer her professional services to help him.  If you recall from previous posts, Steve's mind was racing constantly with thoughts of what happened to him and he was only sleeping for short 15 minute stints.  It was terrible.  Over the last two years, Steve and I have both been very open to alternative therapies, combined with traditional medicine, and Steve gratefully welcomed Leanne and her offer to help.  We both recognize what an important part the mind and spirit play in healing.  After Steve's first session with Leanne a week ago, I knew Leanne could help me too with the trauma of this life event so I have also been to Leanne twice.  She is amazing.  So, we've had life coaching and hypnotherapy and Steve is sleeping and thinking better and I am too.  Part of our homework with Leanne is creating affirmations that we say throughout the day.  Here is my one of my favorites so far:  I love and accept myself and my circumstances.

Leanne's website is http://www.violetsourcehealing.com/.  If I can figure out how to do it, I will provide the link to the right of this post.       

No Guns in Heaven

Steve's had a couple bad days in a row.  He's been battling extreme fatigue and pretty severe headaches.  He also believes he has three more teeth that are loose, one in particular that he believes might fall out at any moment.  I've always had this fear of my teeth falling out so I can't even imagine how hard that must be for Steven.  My heart just aches for him when he talks about it.  So that whole teeth thing combined with constantly not feeling well starts to wear on him emotionally and that's sometimes harder for him to deal with than the physical difficulties of his situation.  Tonight before bed he got very emotional when thinking about the kids and how this whole thing has affected them.  He also mentioned that he can't believe how close he came to getting killed or injured so badly that he wouldn't have been the same or that he would have required constant care, like from a traumatic brain injury.  In those moments, I know he feels so grateful for his outcome but I think it still messes with his head.  Overcoming the emotional lows is an arduous process.

Tonight at dinner, we said our blessing which prompted an interesting conversation.  Janie wanted to know God's last name.  It's funny how these six year-olds always stump me with the God questions.  So we threw the idea of God's last name around.  Kylie, who usually refers to God as "She," thought God didn't have a last name, which would have been my answer.  God is like Madonna, so well known She only requires one name...no surprise they didn't get the Madonna reference, oh well.  Ryan said that everyone's last name was God's last name which I thought was rather brilliant.  Then later during baths we continued the God conversation and I asked the girls what they thought heaven was like.  Kylie said that the angels in heaven had to go to school and when they played on the playground, it was all made of clouds.  The older angels, of course, had to go to angel high school.  Janie, ever the zealot, said that there are no guns in heaven.  God does not allow guns in heaven.  She asked me if she was right.  I wasn't surprised but maybe a bit bewildered that this would be the one thing she would mention about heaven.  Then I realized how important these conversations are because just like us, these kids are still reeling from what has happened.  They may not act like it but they are just as insecure, overwhelmed and even traumatized as we are.  It's easy to forget that when they act like happy little six year-olds.         

Luck is Believing You're Lucky

The first thing this morning, I sent a text message to Dr. Hammoudeh telling him about the bands in Steve's mouth that had broken over the weekend.  In the text, I explained that without the bands pulling Steve's mouth closed, the jaw wiring was dependent on just two small wires.  Those two small wires were pulling on two teeth instead of displacing the work to all the teeth to keep Steve's mouth closed.  Steve felt as though those two wires were literally pulling one of his teeth out.  It was very painful and scary.  Dr. Hammoudeh directed us to his Glendale office where Steve was scheduled to see Dr. Susan Lee.

The appointment with Dr. Lee went well.  She checked the painful tooth and determined that it was fine at least for now.  Then she replaced all the bands that had broken and both Steve and I appreciated how thorough she was.  Actually, we expected nothing less from an associate of Drs. Urata and Hammoudeh who we both consider excellent.  Dr. Lee suggested that Steve be seen weekly to prevent any potential problems with the bands.  She also gave him replacement bands in case he should have a problem at home.

We left the appointment feeling lucky that all went well.  Steve sat in the back seat to avoid any potential damage that could be done to his jaw if the air bags were to deploy in the unlikely event of an accident.  As I drove home in our little Volvo, I took a quick phone call from my sister but I didn't want to talk long because I still have that annoying case of laryngitis and traffic was starting to get heavy through downtown LA.  While driving through downtown, I had a nagging, uneasy feeling about the traffic because it started to back up a bit.  I maneuvered into the fast lane, anticipating the carpool lane entrance, but a couple of times drivers in the fast lane stopped abruptly for no apparent reason other than heavy traffic.  Luckily I had a decent amount of following distance and I was able to stop without having to slam on my brakes.  Each time, however, I couldn't help checking the rear view mirror to make sure the cars behind me stopped in time.

We drove through downtown, past the Staples Center, and I found myself really concentrating on my driving.  I was leaving a good margin in front for all the abrupt stopping by drivers in front of me.  And I noticed the black Toyota Tundra truck behind me in my rear view mirror.  Traffic slowed in front of me and I stopped with plenty of ease.  At that moment, I looked into the rear view mirror again, only to watch in absolute horror as the black truck behind me seemed to be accelerating instead of slowing down.  All I could think of was Steve, who had been through so much and, just to be safe, had deliberately sat in the back seat of this small car that was about to be directly impacted in the rear end by a Toyota Tundra.  "OH SH@T!!!" I yelled.  And then it happened.  We got smacked.  I could not even believe what had just transpired.  After making sure Steve was ok, I seriously didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

The guy in the truck and I pulled over and got out which never happens in LA.  Usually the other guy makes a run for it because he's unlicensed or uninsured or both.  Luckily, this guy was super nice and honest.  I actually felt sorry for him, especially after I found out that last night he had to put his 16 year-old dog to sleep.  The first thing he asked was if we were ok.  When he saw Steve with all that metal around his jaw, well then he was really apologetic.  We exchanged information and according to his paperwork, his license and insurance were both valid.  He was a genuine nice guy.  The damage was pretty bad to his truck, not so much to our Volvo (a testament to Volvo) and we all shook hands, wished each other well, and went on about our way.  I think I might send him a sympathy card for the thing with his dog...poor guy.  The rest of the way home, we didn't talk much and then one of us would just start laughing at the ridiculousness of what had just happened in relation to all that has happened.

The point of this long, convoluted story is just what the title of this post says and what Steve and I have always believed:  Luck is believing you're lucky.  We believe that we are the two luckiest souls on earth and we've always believed that.  I don't know of any two people who've had such good fortune.  I could've died of cancer, Steve could've died of gunshot wounds, we could have both been transported to the hospital today from that car accident but none of that happened.  Instead, we are alive, together and healthy (almost) and we've met great doctors and nurses and a really nice citizen who, unfortunately, just lost his dog.  Man, we are really lucky.          

Our Moms

Ironically, I woke up on this Mother's Day morning with laryngitis, however, I see and accept the gift in it.  The Universe has given me the opportunity to not yell at my kids today and I'm good with that.  Actually, I'm very good with that.  It's nice to hear the kids yelling for me from the next room and I'm just sitting here not answering.  There's something very peaceful in it.

Anyway, I wanted to pay tribute today to two of the strongest, kindest, warmest and most beloved women I know, my mom and Steve's mom.  People have been commenting so much the last five weeks about how strong Steve and I are.  Well, behind the strong survivors in us are two even stronger mothers.  They've been through all of the challenges with us, quietly guiding us, holding us in their arms as we cried, and uplifting both of us and our kids when we needed it most.  I can't think of two more beautiful and treasured women than OUR MOMS:

     My mom, Marlen

Steve and his mom, Robin aka "Me-Mom"



God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~ Jewish Proverb

Steve is doing very well today.  He has been sleeping much better during the night and hasn't had the terrible night sweats in the last two nights.  Perhaps he has succeeded in sweating out the aftermath of all the sedatives and pain medications that he was on in the hospital.  Now, however, his teeth hurt.  It looks as if we will be calling Dr. Urata tomorrow because several of the bands that are holding his jaw in place have broken and Steve believes that is what is causing the pain to his teeth.  He believes that the few bands that are left are the ones doing all the work which is putting strain on those few teeth to which those bands are hooked.

Finally, I'd just like to say that this is the best mother's day I've ever had.  I got the best gift that I could've ever gotten which is that Steve is here to share this mother's day with me.  I still have many moments when I cannot believe this is our reality, and then I am tenuously reminded of just how lucky I am.  Although this is not the path I would have chosen, this mother's day is more than a celebration of our moms and of my own pilgrimage into motherhood.  For me, it is a celebration of life with all of the people I love, especially my wonderful husband, my partner on this journey.  I can't think of a greater gift than what I've already been given. 

Happy Mothers Day Weekend

This will be a short post but Steve and I want to wish a very happy mother's day weekend to all the moms out there.  We are praying that all of you have a warm and joyous weekend with your families!

Steve had another very good day yesterday.  He had more energy than the day before and he was more active.  This morning, however, the feeling in his jaw has started to come back so he is feeling more pain in his mouth.  He is very tired today which I think is caused by the pain he is experiencing.

I had to change the settings on the comments to keep out the spam.  I hope it doesn't deter anyone from commenting because Steve and I really look forward to every single comment and all the words of love and support.  Now when you post a comment, it will take a little bit of time before the comment actually shows up.  Please don't let that stop you from commenting as Steve needs those kind words to keep the healing energy around him!!! 

Great Day

We had a great day, starting with Steve's appointment with Dr. Hanpeter.  We actually got to Providence Holy Cross Hospital this morning around 8:30 because Steve had to report to radiology for a chest x-ray.  Then we headed over to Dr. Hanpeter's office, across the street from the hospital, for a 10:00 am appointment.  It was great to see Dr. Hanpeter who seemed so relaxed outside of the hospital environment.  He and Steve joked around a bit and I decided that the more I'm around him, the more I really really like Dr. Hanpeter.  Dr. Hanpeter was very pleased with Steve's progress.  He said the chest x-ray wasn't perfect, but it looked better than the last one, before Steve was discharged from the hospital.  There's still a decent amount of fluid around the left lung and some of that will resolve on it's own.  However, Dr. Hanpeter said that there will always be fluid around that lung and some of it will turn into scar tissue so Steve's left lung will never ever be what it once was.  Steve will remain on the blood thinners for six months so that the blood clot in his upper left chest where the vein once was will not get any bigger.  Dr. Hanpeter thought all of Steve's wounds were looking really good and won't need bandages much longer, including the stoma where the trach tube had been.  Steve feels self conscious about that though so he will probably still wear a bandage on the stoma for a while.  Just one month ago today, this is what Steve looked like:

  He's come so far.

After the doctor's appointment, we went to 77th Division for what can only be described as a gathering of amazing, talented, generous, selfless, altruistic, benevolent people.  They came from every division of the LAPD, they came from places outside the LAPD, including LAFD and even the private sector for a BBQ Fundraiser for Steve and our family.  I truly have no words to describe our level of gratitude for this event and every single person who showed up in support of our family.  Thank you just doesn't seem like enough, but on behalf of Steve and the entire Jenkins family, thank you.  To Officer Tanya Eppenger-Campbell, who conceived the idea of the BBQ and organized the event, you are our hero, our luminary, and we are beyond grateful for you.  To Teri Casey, girl, I owe you so much more than a pedicure!  To Tami Baumann and Joy Williams, you girls rock!  To everyone who made this event happen, you will always have a very special place in my heart.  To Mark Geiger, Steve is SO sorry he missed you! 

We only stayed for about 45 minutes because Steve was pretty spent after the doctor's appointment.  I tried to take as many photographs in that short time as I could.

Steve with Officer Tanya Eppenger-Campbell

Some of the girls:

 Sgt. Teri Casey and Officer Joy Williams

 Sgt. Tami Baumann and Teri

Officers Rebecca Martin and Catherine Durant

(My locker room confidantes)

Steve and the guys:

 Steve and Officer Ed Pigao

 Steve and Sgt. Steve Dorsey

  Steve and Sgt. Ozzie Ramos and Det. Tom Matthews

The Captains of 77th:

 Capt. Dennis Kato

Capt. Jorge Rodriguez

Random shots:

 Sgt. Craig Valenzuela and his son

 Look at all these people!

The Chef

We wished we could have stayed the entire time.  Steve wanted to shake the hand of every person who attended.  It was a great day.