Happy Independence Day and God Bless America!!!

I just wanted to take the opportunity to say Happy Independence Day to all.  I realized, after the events of the past few years, that this has become my favorite holiday for so many reasons.  I love the comraderie and genuine feeling of patriotism from proud, fellow Americans.  I love displaying Old Glory and decorating the house and, this year, our bicycles.  I love the smell of barbecues, the anticipation of eating, drinking, socializing, and especially, the fireworks.  I love that the kids delight in hanging out with their cousins and watching the fireworks from my sister's house at the beach.  Above all, I love being with my family.  It's the perfect holiday.

We started our day today by going to one of my favorite vegan restaurants for lunch.  As Steve approached the cashier to order some soup to go, the cashier glanced up at him and when she saw the external fixator on his face, she appeared a little startled.  She was more forward than most, though, and she decided to ask what happened.  We've become quite used to people's reactions now to the point where we've made a little game of it.  We like to see how curious or how uncomfortable we can make people.  Just a few times, people have asked details and figured out that Steve's a police officer.  But most of the time, IF Steve tells them the truth that he was shot, people don't know what to say and they either change the subject or just try to get the hell out of there.  This cashier, this sweet and well-intentioned young gal, probably late teens, had the funniest response yet.  She asked him what happened, Steve matter-of-factly said he got shot in the face at work, a moment of silence, and then she replied, "Ohhhh....well would you like a glass of water?"  Hilarious.

After lunch we went home to decorate our bikes for the local bike parade and 4th of July celebration.  The kids had fun seeing the fire truck and all the people in their best patriotic garb.  Even in this big city, there was a real small town feel and it was great.  After that, the kids had ice cream.  It was a great way to gear up for the holiday tomorrow.

        

Sssttttrrreeetchhh!

I'm posting these pictures for you, Joyce.  I think you will have an appreciation for how hard Steve has been working all day to open his mouth.  He told me it hurts but he's been stretching those mandible muscles more and more, little by little.  It's working!  He's much better than he was yesterday.

 I didn't realize what a nice shot of his nose hair this one is.

I tried to get a really good close up of the inside of Steve's mouth but with him not being able to open his mouth all that wide, it just didn't work like I had hoped.  Steve goes back on Friday, July 8th to see Dr. Urata again.  The doctor is concerned about the way his pins are looking.  It looks as though he might be fighting an infection.  Steve has been taking antibiotics and I have been diligently cleaning the pins.  We are praying the possible infection resolves itself.

Unwired!!!

Steve is officially unwired!  His jaw was unhooked today at the appointment with Dr. Urata and I could hardly believe it when the doctor told us it was going to happen.  I didn't actually witness the unwiring as the doctor asked the kids and me to leave the room.  I was very happy to oblige because I was rather freaked out about the thought of having to see the inside of Steve's mouth.  However, as it turns out, Steve was unable to open his mouth more than about two millimeters anyway.  Infact, when I first saw him, I thought that maybe the wires didn't come off after all because Steve was still clenching his mouth shut as he talked to me.  But that was only because he simply could not open his mouth.  The doctor explained to Steve that he was going to have to work the muscles open little by little and that would take a long, long time to accomplish.  It certainly wasn't going to happen overnight, let alone one appointment.  Basically, the facial muscles have atrophied and his mouth is essentially frozen shut.  The muscles will relax over time but it will take a lot of rehab and work on Steve's part.  Steve said, "Well I'm one step closer."

Steve is such an optimist and he's been nothing but positive about this whole thing.  I, however, had a whole slew of emotions today, most of them I did not expect.  Don't get me wrong, I am seriously grateful that we're even at this stage, and especially so soon.  But after returning home from the appointment, I felt quite meloncholy.  Later Steve and I discussed how I felt and we compared it to when I underwent chemo.  Chemo sucked for me but for Steve, my caregiver, it was much, much harder on him watching me enduring that.  Well that is exactly how I felt about Steve's situation today.  Even writing this post, I feel like crying for him.  He's been through so much and I guess I hoped that he would be able to open his mouth today and maybe even eat something on the way home.  I just felt so sorry for him.  And then to have lost all those teeth...what a senseless, stupid loss of something so valuable, so very irreplaceable.

I'm feeling better about it now after a little perspective and a few beers at dinner.  I had to laugh at the kids' conversation on the way up to the appointment.  Janie, in her most sincere, 7 year-old way, told Steve he was SO lucky to have lost so many teeth.  The Tooth Fairy was sure to leave him a fortune for all those teeth!  Then Steve explained that all those teeth were lost, he either swallowed them or maybe spit them out somewhere.  He couldn't remember what happened to the teeth.  "That's sad," Janie said.

Wire Cutters

I tried to post this yesterday and ended up irritated with Blogger.  I guess they were having technical difficulties.  Here's what I wrote:

We're gearing up for this Friday when Steve has an appointment with Dr. Urata.  Hopefully I'm not setting us up for disappointment, but I'm praying that this Friday's appointment will prove to be the one during which Steve has his jaw unwired.  I'm also hoping I've adequately prepared myself for exactly what I will see.  For the first time since Steve was injured, I asked him today to show me the inside of his mouth where the teeth are missing.  I know it sounds crazy that I haven't asked to see his mouth until now but I have a tendency to get a little queasy.  And true to form, I felt my heart beating fast and weakness in my knees as I peered, apprehensively, into the gap of his upper and lower jaw on the right side where the lower teeth are missing.  Basically there was nothing there.  It's not like he has gum tissue with no teeth like an old geezer.  There's just nothing there at all.

Physically, psychologically and emotionally, Steve is doing great.  He is getting stronger everyday and despite his liquid diet, his weight has plateaued.  He still tells me every single day how lucky he feels just to be alive.  Today he and the kids accompanied me to my own doctor's appointment with Dr. McNamara, my oncologist.  The last appointment I had with Dr. McNamara was in mid April, while Steve was in the hospital.  That appointment was difficult because it was my first and only appointment with "Mac" that Steve had ever missed.  When Dr. McNamara saw Steve today, he appeared relieved that Steve was ok and seemed very happy to see him.  He shook Steve's hand and said he couldn't believe how healthy he looked.  After all the pleasantries, the doctor scheduled me for another colonoscopy...bummer...literally.

So please keep your fingers crossed that Dr. Urata unwires Steve's mouth on Friday and Steve can finally put away the wire cutters he's been carrying in his pocket.  He has taken them everywhere just in case he has a choking incident where we have to cut the wires and open his mouth. 

Week in Review and Funny Little Story

A lot went on this week that I didn't blog about because, by day's end each day, I was just too tired to think.  And then Mission hosted the BBQ which, without question, deserved an entire post dedicated to what amounted to a perfectly executed event.  Both Steve and I just can't say enough about the generosity of everyone who contributed to the event at Mission.  In fact, we've spent most of the last three days talking about the BBQ.

Aside from all that, however, Steve did have an ultrasound and doctor's appointment with Dr. Rowe, the vascular surgeon, at USC on Tuesday.  Ultimately, what we found out was that the subclavian vein and the axillary vein are both looking pretty good.  Those veins overlap in the shoulder and it appears that the injury happened somewhere around there.  According to Dr. Rowe, that is a "gray area" as far as determining the extent of the damage because of the overlap of the veins.  However, the vein that was damaged appears to be partially healing which is very good news.  Dr. Rowe ordered Steve to stay on the Coumadin (blood thinner) at least one more month to allow the best possible circulation and then he will return for another appointment in three months. 

We were all pretty tired after that appointment because it took a VERY long time just to see the doctor...apparently he was triple booked or something.  After my cancer experience, I have a hard time waiting hours on end for a doctor's appointment.  In fact, I get pretty crazy about that.  So while Steve waited for his appointment, I took the kids to one of my favorite places, the cafeteria.  I don't know why, but I have a fascination and secret love for cafeterias.  I think the aroma of food combined with the anticipation being able to choose from a variety of different foods propagates a certain exhilaration.  And then seeing all the doctors in their white lab coats and scrubs makes me feel like I'm in an episode of Grey's Anatomy.  It's all very intoxicating.

     I dragged Steve to the cafeteria for this picture

The kids had their second guitar lesson this week.  I took pictures because they looked so cute.  And if anyone ever tells you your kid is too young for guitar lessons at age six or seven, well they're wrong.  My kids are doing great with it and they love it!

Friday we visited my dad in the hospital, he had his hip replaced on Wednesday.  Thank God it went well and Dad looks great.

The trip to see Dad in the hospital prompted a funny conversation with Steve about a flashback he had of being at USC University Hospital.  Being in the hospital reminded Steve of the little, middle-aged Hispanic nurse's aide who took all his pride away.  After she would help Steve clean up after he used the bedside commode, she would powder him up, say, "Ok m'hijo!" and give him a swift little slap in the butt.  Ay caramba!  And poor Steve literally couldn't say a word.  I know some might say this is too much information but Steve and I have learned that it is not the embarassments, mistakes or failures that make us who we are.  The truth is that it is the person we choose to be and the love we give and receive despite those embarassments, mistakes or failures that makes us who we are.  

Love from Mission Area

A post like this one is the reason I do this blog.  I love being able to publicly recognize those who help others and the remarkable and distinguished sworn and civilian employees of LAPD's Mission Division are no exception.  Mission Division hosted a momentous BBQ fundraiser for our family today and it was an amazing day, filled with love and generosity from so many.  Mission Area Senior Lead Officers organized today's event and we felt so honored to be in the presence of such a kind and magnanimous group of people.  They welcomed us with open arms and thanked Steve for his service in their division.  They even graciously took pictures of the event and handed me a CD with the photos on it.  Incidentally, Officer Ayala is a much better photographer than I am!  I think he even photoshopped out my wrinkles... We were also grateful to meet some of the Mission officers who helped save Steven's life on April 4th.  Also making an appearance were Steve's cohorts from K9, and it is always a pleasure to hang out with those guys.

So, on behalf of Steven and my entire family, we say a very humble and grateful THANK YOU to Mission Area officers, civilians, and specifically, the Senior Lead Officers who are clearly virtuosos in their field.  We are overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation.

As I've done in the past, I will let the photographs speak for themselves...and there are a lot of photos!  Peruse, enjoy, and capture a glimpse of all these beautiful people!!!