Surgery Tomorrow

Today we spoke with the colorectal specialist, Dr. Neoman. He will be removing part of my colon tomorrow along with some of the lymph nodes. He was very reassuring that I can beat this and after his consultation with us, Dad, Mom, Steve and I felt more hopeful than we've felt in days. He even said that he thinks this is stage 3 and not stage 4 as some of the doctors mentioned earlier.

Surgery is scheduled for 7:30 am and we are looking forward to starting the fight. If all goes well, I will begin chemotherapy and possibly radiation when I heal from the surgery. While I still can't believe this is happening to me, I am positive and I know that I have everything to live for. I miss my kids everyday and I can't wait to go home.

Me-mom flew down from Oregon this morning and she and Andrew are helping with the kids. I am so very grateful to absolutely everyone who is helping us get through this. I feel the prayers working and I feel so fortunate to have you all on the team.

One Man's Bad News is Another Man's Miracle

Wow! It's been such a long and difficult 48 hours. So much has happened...

In the last post I mentioned that the doctors determined that I definitely had cancer, adenocarcinoma to be exact. But the troubling question looming over everyone was where did it come from? Five different doctors stood over my bedside, each one saying something different. But the constant with all of them was the agonized look on each of their faces as if they had terrible news but were afraid to tell me. They all spoke in medical terms but it was their tone that told me everything. They spoke softly and kept asking if we had any questions. The one question we continued to ask, "Do you think its pancreatic cancer?" seemed to be the one question they tap danced around. No one would or could say definitively yes or no but I always felt as if they wanted to say, "yes, I think that's exactly what you have."

Steve and I cried most of the night. I, however, had to guzzle a prepping solution for my colonoscopy today. I finished the first 32 ounces of the solution within one hour as I was instructed. But all that liquid had me so bloated I felt as though I was going to rupture the sutures near my belly button. I will spare you all of the disgusting details but basically I was up all night trying to "cleanse" my colon. The second 32 ounces of the solution was a real bitch.

My colonoscopy got bumped to the afternoon to give my body every opportunity to be ready for the scope. Finally, around 2:30 in the afternoon, they took me down to the GI lab for my tests. When they woke me up, they finally had an answer for us...colon cancer. I was elated! I was relieved and I was grateful. This, I decided, was my golden opportunity because all I ever wanted was the chance to fight. With the colon cancer diagnosis, I have that opportunity.

I have been in the hospital now for a week and three days. Every five minutes or so I find myself in shock and disbelief thinking about how just two weeks ago I was running on the treadmill for an hour. And now I am faced with more surgery and lifesaving cancer treatment. How did this happen to me? I have always eaten right and exercised and I paid attention to my health, going to my yearly physicals, getting mammograms and pap smears. It just doesn't make any sense to me right now.

But for now I choose to live one moment and one miracle at a time. The GI people at the colonoscopy thought they were delivering the worst possible news to me today with the colon cancer diagnosis. But to my family and me, it was a miracle.

Love to you all.

WARNING: UPSETTING CONTENT

Hi everyone...this will be a short post as it is bad news. I had a surgical biopsy today as the two previous ct-guided needle aspirations of the enlarged lymph nodes did not yield any results. So during the surgery today, Dr.Grant removed a couple entire abdominal lymph nodes. The result was not at all what we expected. Quite frankly, I think we were all expecting a lymphoma diagnosis. Well, I don't have lymphoma but I do have cancer. They told me the exact medical term for it but my mind was racing with questions. Based on our meeting with the surgical resident, we determined that they are considering that I have either pancreatic cancer or colon cancer. It seems they are leaning more toward pandreatic cancer. He also mentioned that the proximity of the mass to the lymph nodes might indicate an advanced stage. But we are still waiting for a more exact diagnosis based on the pathology results which will be ready in a few days.

While this is so very hard to reconcile in my mind and I am certainly in denial at this point, I know that I have a very strong support system in all of you and I am young and strong. Thank you all who have been praying...please keep the prayers coming.

Love to you all from Steven, me and the kids.

A Nice Day Out

This morning (at 2am) I got a new roommate. She seems nice enough although I don't speak to her because I don't know espanol. I managed to get back to sleep with the help of my friend, Ambien. And when I finally woke up, I layed in bed wondering what to do for the day. I decided I'd had enough of hospitals. Well, what really sent me over the edge was when my roommate's 50 relatives filled the 20X10 room and I felt like we were all having a fiesta at 10am. That's when I had a brilliant idea! I called my hubby and told him that he was going to take me out to lunch. They almost never check on me unless I ring the bell. So I decided to ditch for the day...

It was great. I escaped unnoticed and he picked me up in front of the hospital. We decided to drive through Del Taco since I have a tube sticking out of me and we didn't want to freak anyone out. We took our Del Taco back to the hospital where we found a very nice patio area and we all had a picnic. I think we all enjoyed having lunch together at a table, talking and feeling a bit normal. The kids had a nice time eating and running around.

Hubby and the kids walked me to my room and when we got back, they had put out an APB on me but I didn't care. They said they'd been looking all over for me and I just shrugged my shoulders. Oh well...at least I came back. Once at the room, the kids watched in awe as the lab guy drew blood. Ryan asked if they were getting out all the bad bugs. Hubby and the kids left to go to the park but they will be back later and they promised to bring me tweezers so I can tweeze my eyebrows. I'm starting to have a unibrow!

Waiting...

Hi family and friends!

We are anxiously awaiting the arrivals of two very special new members of the family. My dear, dear sister is due any day with her third daughter. She will be a beautiful miracle whom we are all dying to meet. Sister picked out a lovely name for the new addition, but as you all know I try not to publish names.

And on my hubby's side of the family we are all anxiously awaiting a bouncing baby boy from his super cool neice and her awesome better half. And I would love to say baby boy's name too but the same rule applies. CONGRATULATIONS to you both and best of luck on healthy easy deliveries. I am thrilled for you both!

So now on to news about why I am stuck waiting. Some of you may know I went to the hospital er back in November with terrible abdominal pain. While there I had a ct scan of my abdomen which showed that I had enlarged lymph nodes in my abdominal area. The er docs were concerned and advised to follow-up with my doctor. I followed up immediately with my dr who told me I had a virus that would likely resolve in a week or so. The pain went away and I went on with life. Although, I did always feel somewhat bloated and I had a feeling that I should follow up with my doctor again. Then last Saturday, I ended up in the er again with the exact same symptoms although the pain was ten times worse. The er doctors proceeded with the same work up and the results were exactly the same as November. The er doctor I saw seemed so competent and was very worried. He said I couldn't ignore the enlarged lymph nodes any longer. So ultimately I was admitted to the hospital for testing and here is where I wait.

While here, I have had two ct-guided needle aspiration biopsies odered by an oncologist. The doctors all seem to conclude there is something there but they just dont know what. The worst and best case scenario would be lymphoma. Lymphoma is cancer but it is very treatable and typically can be cured. So we are praying that we have all the answers we need on Monday. And so we wait...

Back by Popular Demand

Well, I am back! And not by choice but by popular demand...

Where do I begin??? It has been over a year since the last post and so much has happened. So, I will work backwards. Recently, we had a birthday/post-Christmas celebration with the extended family. It was a great time except that I took a lot of flack for not emailing back the kids' Christmas lists. Of course I know I should've responded with gift ideas but with a very demanding full-time career (14 hour days) and three four year-olds, I simply ran out of time. I certainly could have called people when I was working but I don't think anyone would have wanted to discuss kids' Christmas gifts at two or three in the morning.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were a big success this year. Me-mom and L came to stay with us which was such a treat for all of us. The kids sure do love their Me-mom and L. I was proud of myself that I didn't overbuy for the kids this year and as always we pulled names for Secret Santa. So everyone was at our house for Christmas Eve. It was so festive!

We went to Oregon in November to visit. We had such a great time despite the 40 degree weather. We took our family Christmas card picture at Merlin Park and the leaves were bright yellow, orange and red...just beautiful. We got some great shots but when we decided to get creative and throw leaves at the kids for more of a candid, they just got pissed off at us. J was especially mad because she lost all of the leaves she worked so hard to collect. The kids had a hard time leaving Me-mom's and still talk about going back to visit. For Thanksgiving we went to Mom and Dad's and Mom hosted an amazing event despite her broken wrist...good job Mom!

Although my stepsons A and J did not go with us to Oregon, I managed to get them together for a picture which I put on the Christmas card. A is 21 years-old now and J is 17. A is in the process of being hired by our department and should hear the good news very soon about when he will begin the academy. We couldn't be more proud! J babysits for us on a regular basis and is a huge help although I just found out he found employment at the batting cages which makes me happy for him but sad for me. We need our J and the kids are crazy about him!

For Halloween, R was a stormtrooper, K was Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) and J was Tinkerbell. It seemed rather fitting that J chose to be Tinkerbell as their personalities are very similar.

I turned 38 in September, SJ turned 41 in August, and the kids all turned 4 in June.

In July, SJ finally realized his only dream in life which was to be a K-9 handler. His first dog, Marco, had health issues and had to go back where he came from but now his partner is Rocco. We all love Rocco. And since we all love Rocco so much, we adopted our newest addition to the family in September. His name is Jackson and he is a maltipoo (maltese poodle mix). He is great and my sis-in-law wants one just like him. The kids named him Jackson but I wanted to name him Jefferson. I've been working in the ghetto too long! Side note: I like the name Rocco but we can't take credit for that name. The dog came with that name. The picture below was taken after Jack's first trip to the groomer and the hair on his head and around his nose looks a little funky to me. He is much cuter in person.

June 2008 was a big month for us. The kids turned 4 and their first year of pre-school was over. We had to say goodbye to Mrs. Janet and Mrs. Alison and it was very hard. We thought we would be getting new teachers this school year but luckily we ended up with the same ones. The hardest part for me though was trying to figure out what I was going to do with the kids all summer long. And SJ and I attended my 20 year high school reunion. I couldn't believe how old I was! The best part besides having a weekend away with my hubby was hanging out with my old friend Mimi.

I can't remember much of what happened before June which is good I guess because that means nothing bad happened.

For now, SJ is loving his new position and I am still doing the supervisor thing in south central. The kids are still going to the same pre-school twice a week just like last year. J is an animal lover. K likes princesses and basketball. And R is all boy and appears to be left-handed. Our main goals for 2009 are to stay healthy and happy and not to get our asses handed to us by the IRS at tax time. Other than that, I've just been drinking a lot of coffee and trying to stay awake...seriously.

Hopefully I will find time to update more regularly now. Happy 2009 and love to you all!!!!