Yesterday was my toughest day yet. I had a lot of problems with nausea and throwing up and didn't realize it was going to be that bad until it was too late to call the doctor. So I spent the entire day in bed. I wasn't even able to get to the computer to check the blog at all. But thankfully, today has been better. With some coaxing from my mom and Steve, I called the nurse first thing this morning and told her about yesterday. "Oh my God!" was her response so I realized I actually had been suffering needlessly. Dr. McNamara called back within an hour and called in a stronger prescription for the nausea. And luckily the new prescription worked. I have eaten a little bit today and I am gaining some strength back.
I read the responses from the last blog entry and I felt nothing but gratitude. I am so grateful that you are all praying for me and pulling for me. I would never admit this to Steve, but there have been a few times when I wondered if this was all worth it. But of course that is when I have been at my absolute weakest. And I can't tell you what it means to read the words of encouragement from you guys. Somehow, I don't feel quite so alone. Somehow, I feel a peace come over me and I know I can do this, if nothing else than for this moment.
Aunt Dene, you are an amazing person and you always know exactly what to say. The same goes for everyone who has posted a comment on any of the blog entries. I thank God everyday for all of you. For anyone who has commented on the blog, or sent me a personal email, or anyone who takes a moment during the day to say a prayer for me, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and I thank you.
I am not going to lie, chemotherapy sucks. And at the moment I am terrified that I have at least 3 - 5 more cycles to do. How can any one human being endure that?! But I know with the encouragement of all of you, I will somehow find a way. My love to you all.
5 comments:
Hi Beth,
I don't always know what to say in these moments, but my thoughts and prayers are with you constantly. It's incredible how many people who don't even know you are praying for you and cheering for you! Everyone in my Bible study, all my girlfriends and their families, my parents' entire church, and so many more are sending you their love and positive thoughts everyday. When you are feeling down, I hope that knowledge brings you comfort and peace. As Aunt Dene says, lean on us. And, if it helps, sing "Lean on Me" as loud as you can and know that that is our message to you! :) Looking forward to seeing you this weekend! Love, Keira
Hi Beth (and Steve, too),
Just wanted to let you know that we in Naperville, IL continue to pray for you and your family. You are on our prayer chain and your name appears on the prayer list in our bulletin, as well as in Jenn's prayer group. We read your blog regularly and feel closer even though we are miles apart. Steve and Cheryl are also keeping us updated. We pray that the meds will do their work and that your strong spirit will keep you going on the tough days. May you have the peace that passes understanding as you know that God holds you in the palm of his hand.
Blessings,
Ron and Ruth Wills
Dear Beth,
Your Arizona relatives (most of whom you haven't met yet) aren't giving up either. We are praying and pulling for you every inch of the way. Please know that you can include us along with the ones you can "lean on." It is true, that you would be amazed to know exactly how many people are praying for you. Everybody loves a fighter and that's why we love you. Even though you feel weak on the outside, we all know that you are a tower of strength on the inside. You have a strong spirit who is paired with the Holy Spirit and nothing can defeat that combo. Remember, one is worth a thousand and two is worth ten thousand. Just think of how much all of your friends and family are worth in this fight with you. We love you Beth, you are going to WIN! Love, Auntie Barbara
Hi Sister,
What everyone writes is so true. The wave of love and strength flowing to you is so large and so wide you would be amazed. I know the whole healing process must feel so daunting (and not very healing) right now. When I see a long process ahead of me I try not to focus on the whole but rather the day to day or moment by moment. Really all we have is this moment. Do whatever it takes to get though right now and let the future take care of itself. I love you so much! When I can get it together I'm bringing you a pot of soup :o). Love, Juli
Beth
this is from your Pennsylvania family - your strength to me is amazing and your positive attitude will carry you a long way - please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you at all times.
Use the strength that is out there for you - more than you know.
I am convinced that you will W I N this hurdle for you and your family!!!!
Love ya,
Marianne (your dad's cousin from PA)
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