I haven't posted anything new in a while because things haven't changed much. Although the recovery from surgery has been long and difficult, I am getting stronger everyday. I think the fact that I'm not facing anymore chemotherapy has done wonders for my overall outlook so even when I am exhausted (which seems like all the time), I feel very positive. Steve's mom is here helping us so she has taken the burden of household chores from me. Because of that I've been able to concentrate on the kids and their needs, especially school stuff. I am so grateful for her and everything she does for us.
I am still trying to come to terms with what being "done with treatment" acutally means. I am so relieved to be "cancer free" but at the same time I am afraid to stray too far from being a patient. I have been super strict about what I allow myself to eat for fear that any sugar, preservatives, or all the other bad stuff will trigger a relapse. And every twinge or pain I feel, I find myself wondering what it means. Just today I received something in the mail about heart disease and how it's the silent killer and my first thought was that I should make an appointment to have my heart checked out. I guess I'm a little paranoid. But Dr. McNamara said that would happen and it's normal to feel that way. I think I will be able to relax a little when I have another scan.
In the meantime, I tell anyone who asks that my life is forever changed in the best way possible from this whole experience. I am thankful for the smallest things. Yesterday the kids and I displayed our Halloween decorations and they were SO excited. I was so grateful to be here for that.
6 comments:
Beth, I'm so moved over the good news but I totally understand the nervousness about getting back to normal life, adjusting to the change, and having difficulty accepting the "new" state of affairs.
It's like the story about the horse who cracked his shin on a stump and when the stump was removed, he still reared back and stopped where the stump had once been, remembering his pain. We think in images, don't we. When an old image of pain or fear creeps in, we can choose to replace it with images of fun, well-times, and beauty. Not denying the painful awareness of fear, but offering that as our humanity to our Creator, and Consciously choosing the higher state of mind often enough to gradually diminish those darker states to the occasional blip on our screen. Your gratitude keeps you in a higher state and that makes me grateful to have been allowed to experience your struggle with you through this blog. My prayer for you is an image of Grace flowing over you, Steve, KRJ, and your family of helpers, blessing, holding you, comforting, and strengthening you as you stabilize your environment with love, trust, and peace.
I love all of you and thank you.
Hi Beth,
I am so glad you have help to make it easier for you to recover. Hang in there and we are continuing to pray for you.
Love,
Michelle
p.s. I haven't forgotten about that marathon!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Beth, Steve, and family,
You and your family are such an inspiration to all of us....the way all of you took your place and did what had to be done. Thank God for wonderful friends and family. It just shows how much we need each other, especially in the rough times. Beth, I see you standing in front of a NEW ROAD, cautiously looking ahead and then taking the first step toward your new life. Soon you will be jogging and eventually you will be running. Maybe that was why you wanted to run a marathon when you got better. We are all so blessed and thrilled with your recovery. You are our hero! Love from your family in Arizona.
Hi Beth,
It's good to see your words again & that you have some help to let you concentrate on those oh-so-important "little" things. God bless Steve's mom...and all of you.
Love, Susan
Hi Beth, I'm so happy to see your posts and am always encouraged by you, your family and friends. Auntie Barbara is so right about needing each other.
I clean for a young woman who has stage 4 stomach cancer. She has 3 children ages 8,6, & 3 and is undergoing her 4th chemo treatment. I told her about you and she was encouraged by your news. Truly your courage has affected people all over the country. And as we all pray we look forward to see how the Lord answers our prayers.
Love, Aunt Kathy (NY)
Katie's working on her english paper and she asked for your blog address so just by pure luck I checked your blog today. Scratch that...I know I was Divinely guided to check...there are no accidents. I love you so much and am so glad to read your latest post. I always knew we would get to this place. I visualized it so many times. I'm so proud of you for fighting so hard, enduring so much and staying so strong. We have a lot of years together, Dear Sister, and for that I am very grateful. I love you! And, don't stop writing. I'll keep checking!! xxxooo
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