How do I Ever Say Thank You?

I don't think anyone ever checks the blog anymore. It's hard to explain why I haven't posted anything in so long. I started many posts and then couldn't finish them. I became overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions and could never put anything into words. So I'll do my best to explain where I am physically, emotionally and spiritually these days.

Last week I had my first post-op CT scan. This was such an important scan because it would be the first indicator of my post surgical status. Before the scan, Dr. McNamara thought it was likely that I was in remission but there was no proof of that except that I had no symptoms of recurrence. I went in for the scan on Tuesday. On Thursday night, Dr. McNamara called with the results. He said it was the best possible news. There was no evidence of any cancer. I was officially cancer-free!!! A true miracle...

I went to his office the next day to discuss the results in detail. We were ecstatic about the news that I was cancer-free. There was only one problem, I had kidney damage in my left kidney. The CT report read that my left kidney had severe atrophy and was only marginally functioning. Honestly, Steve and I didn't really know what to make of that. Dr. McNamara explained that the damage likely happened during surgery because they were doing so much intricate work in that area. Apparently, blood flow may have been compromised to the left kidney. So in typical, wonderful, Dr. McNamara-form, the doctor put it into perspective for us. He said that if it would have been him, and someone had told him a year ago that he would be cancer-free in one year but that he had to pay with a kidney, he would've done it in a heartbeat. He told me that a kidney was a reasonable price to pay for being cancer-free. With that, I took a deep breath and reveled in the miraculous news.

On January 30, 2009, I was told I had cancer - adenocarcinoma originating in my colon. First, I was told it was stage III and then it was re-staged to a IV...a virtual death sentence. And on February 19, 2010 I was told I am in remission, cancer-free. Words cannot begin to describe what I feel so I won't even try. But in some way I need to say thank you. Thank you to every person who prayed. Thank you to every person who contributed to the healing consciousness that brought me here. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I am grateful beyond words...

So what now? Well, I will be seeing a kidney specialist to discuss treatment. Hopefully he (Dr. Linsey) can tell me that the kidney can be saved. But if not, I will live a long life with one kidney. And I intend to continue my vegan diet. I love it. I would not eat any other way now. In the beginning I started a plant based diet because I wanted to be healthier. But I've done a lot of research lately about factory farming and where my food comes from and happily, my consciousness has changed. I'm living a vegan life for many other reasons. I'm raising my kids to be vegetarians and we no longer eat at McDonald's and my kids are fine with that. I'm still hoping to run a marathon someday but for now, I'm doing yoga which is SUPER hard (for me anyway). After we figure this whole kidney thing out I will return to work. Life is good...

I love every single one of you who reads this blog. I love every single person who said even one prayer for me or who kept me in his or her thoughts. You will always have a very, very special place in my heart.