Church and My Affirmation Picture

I went to church with Juli on Sunday. I went with her because I haven't found a church near my house that suits me so I headed south. And since Juli speaks so highly of her minister, I figured I had nothing to lose if I just went to hear what she had to say. Luckily, the message during that service was loud and clear and I felt as though the "sermon" was spoken specifically for me. I won't go into specifics but after the service, I was able to speak privately with the minister regarding the upcoming surgery on Wednesday. Rev. Heather instructed me to find a picture of myself from before I was diagnosed when I knew I was perfectly healthy. Sadly, I couldn't find a picture of when I knew I was perfectly healthy. I really thought long and hard about a time when I felt absolutely perfectly healthy and I couldn't recall a time... So I did the next best thing. I cut out a picture of Dara Torres from a "Got Milk?" ad in this month's Shape Magazine and I glued my face on her body. Then underneath, I wrote the affirmation that Rev. Heather created specifically for me, "Perfect health is natural and is now mine always and in all ways."

Although the picture looks a little hokey with MY face on THAT body, my idea of the picture of perfect health is represented by Dara Torres, the 40-something Olympic swimmer. AND, I realized that I really really want those abs!!! So since I am having my third abdominal surgery in 6 months, I thought I would let the universe sort out how I'll have those abs one day.

Getting Ready

I had my pre-op appointment today with Dr. Paz. My parents went to the appointment in Pasadena with Steve and me and we warned them beforehand about Dr. Paz' arrogant and supercilious bedside manner. We arrived 15 minutes early and I knew we'd be sitting around for a while waiting for the doctor. And we did. We waited and waited. But that prompted a funny conversation between the four of us about waiting for doctors who are always running late. And it dawned on me after we had that conversation that as long as you're waiting with good people and there are interesting conversations happening, well then it's not really that much of a waste of time. So in that respect, Dr. Paz gave me a huge gift by making me wait.

Finally the nurse called me in for my appointment and my parents started walking to the examination room with us. The nurse, who was a little bitchy, told us that the examination rooms were small and they only allowed one other person in with the patient. So my parents sat back down in the waiting room and then I was a bit irritated. We entered the room and the bitchy nurse was right...the rooms were pretty small. After the nurse took my vitals and left the room, I changed into the little open-in-the-front gown and then waited again. FINALLY the doctor came in and of course I asked him right away if my parents could come in. He said that we could all meet in the conference room after the examination. The examination, it turned out, was just Dr. Paz listening to my heart and lungs with his stethoscope.

I got dressed and we all went to the conference room. This was the first time my parents met Dr. Paz and we all commented later that he was not very arrogant or condescending. In fact, he seemed a little humble this time. Hmmm... I was a little skeptical. Dr. Paz began his presentation of what to expect from the surgery with statistics. I really hate the statistics and I truly don't want to know them. He said that with the surgery, there is a 70% chance of having the cancer return at some point. That means I have a 30% chance of being cured. I'm ok with that because in order to have statistics like that, somebody has to be in the 30%. I am in the 30%. But it was very confusing because he said that most patients that have metastatic colon cancer in the retroperitoneal lymph nodes almost never have surgery because their situations are not good. I, however, am the exception. He said that there are so few patients who have ever had a situation like mine that they really don't have any information to say unequivocally what my outcome will be with the surgery AND the chemo wash. Interesting...

I've gotten to the point where I listen but I don't ever believe the doctors are talking about me so I think I only half listen. Anyway, I listened as much as I could take in but then I wanted to get out of there and try the vegan thai restaurant. So I thanked the doctor for his time and told him I'd see him on July 29th. Then we went to the vegan thai restaurant, ordered take out so we could eat at home with Mike and Keira, and sat in bad traffic on the way home. We got home, had a great meal with great company, and laughed and had a wonderful time.

I have recruited my brother, Michael, to substitute author the blog for me while I am recovering from surgery. We are all so lucky he agreed to do it because he's probably the smartest and funniest guy I know. You will all enjoy reading whatever he writes, I am certain. He's an 8th grade English teacher, a good dude, and can really write his ass off. I'm so excited for us. In the meantime I will be getting ready for July 29th and blogging as much as I can until then.

First Pre-op Appointment

I had my first pre-op appointment at City of Hope yesterday. It was just a physical with an EKG, chest x-ray, and blood draw. The surgery floor of the hospital is very nice and we were able to talk to the nurse regarding expectations. It sounds like after the surgery, I will go to the ICU for a few days and then have a private room afterward. I don't think the kids will be able to visit me in the ICU, which will be hard, but they will likely be able to visit when I am moved to a regular room. I took a few pictures:

This is the Helford Research Building where they do the surgeries.

Here I am waiting for my EKG

EKG results

Just messing around and waiting.

I have another appointment today with Dr. Paz. I am taking Steve, my mom and dad with me and then we are going to a vegan thai restaurant in Pasadena. I am so excited about the restaurant. And Uncle Mike and Aunt Keira are watching the kids for us.

Finally Finding Balance

My new plant-based diet has done wonders for me. I have found that I have more energy and therefore, I started exercising again. Because of the increased energy, I've been getting on the treadmill for 45 minute workouts, which surprisingly, seem easy and then I do a few laps in the pool, which is surprisingly hard. And after brainstorming a little with my sister, I am finding that meditation comes easier to me lately. All in all, I am feeling more balanced and centered than I ever have. I know the surgery is a little over a week away, but I am finding a strange calmness about it. I am hoping to have that calm reassurance right up to the big day.

Last week I met with Michael and Keira (my brother and sister-in-law) at Hoag Hospital where Michael underwent his colonoscopy. All of my doctors recommended that he and my sister have the procedure in case there were any genetic factors putting them at increased risk of colon cancer. By the way, I received prior approval from Keira to post this information. When I arrived, Michael was in recovery emerging from the drug induced fog. He was groggy and we both listened as Keira relayed information she received from the doctor regarding the results of his test. Mike had two polyps removed but thankfully he had no obvious cancer. He would have to wait a few days for the biopsy results which would determine if either of the polyps were pre-cancerous. Anxiously awaiting the final pathology results, I called Mike a few days later. His polyps were benign and he will be on the five-year plan so his next colonoscopy will be in five years. Hallelujah!!! I feel so redeemed because this journey I am on has prevented one potential tragedy. I am so relieved.

In the meantime, I am focusing on these good days. And these are very good days...

Surgery Scheduled for July 29th

I finally heard back from Dr. Paz' office who called to say the surgery is scheduled for July 29th. I must say that I am very emotional about the whole thing. While I am so grateful that I have even found a surgeon who is willing to perform this surgery, I am terribly apprehensive. When I start to lose confidence in the process, I reassure myself that there is a plan for me and it's a plan perfectly designed with more wisdom than I will ever have. It's still scary and uncertain, though, and I find myself counting down the days. I so don't want to do that. But I know this is very valuable time with my family. I have so many things I want to do with the kids even if it's just reading their bedtime stories or watching them swim in the pool. I've been so lucky the last two days to watch Kylie learn to ride her bike without the training wheels. It really only took her one day and now she's a pro! Jane's almost there and Ryan won't even go near a bike without training wheels.

I am loving my new plant based diet. It's so much easier than I ever thought it would be and I feel great. I am learning that I really have to look at ingredient labels because some foods I would've never suspected have dairy or eggs in them. Steve was giving me the business for putting too much Splenda in my iced tea so I promised him I would use the Stevia that my mom brought over. But when I read the ingredient label, I found the only ingredient to be lactose, aka MILK!!! Who knew?! Also, I'm a little curious, and maybe Kelly can answer this but what does it mean for a vegan if the label says that the food was made on shared equipment with eggs, milk, etc.? Does that mean a vegan shouldn't eat it? Very confusing...

Anyway, I have some pictures from July 4th when I took the kids to San Clemente and hung out with the family but I've been lazy and they're still in the camera. Steve couldn't go but I took Lauren and Chloe. We walked to the beach and then watched fireworks later. It was so nice. Me-Mom, Lauren, and Chloe left on Monday and we are all missing them so much. Luckily, Me-Mom will be back in a few weeks to help out with the kids while I am having my surgery.

My New Label

I am pleasantly surprised by how easy the vegan diet is. I anticipated a very hard transition for some reason. I thought I would be desperate by now for a big hunk of Dubliner cheese, but I'm not having any cravings. Perhaps I am in some sort of honeymoon phase and it just hasn't hit me yet that I won't be eating anymore thin crust cheese pizza. But last night I had a dream that I was eating out and I forgot I wasn't eating meat so I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. I took a bite and the chicken was raw. YUCK!!!! It was so traumatic I can still see it.

Anyway, I'm still drinking coffee but my dear sister suggested almond milk and it turns out that works great! So I still get my caffeine fix in the morning. Then for lunch I've been eating vegan soy hamburger patties which I love. They are so good although I love BBQ sauce on them but I gave that up too because of the high fructose corn syrup. So I've been eating them on a whole wheat bun with mustard and pickles. Avocado seems to be a good substitute for the cheese and for dinner I eat a great big salad with brown rice and lots of beans like I always have. So things really aren't any different. I don't consider myself vegan because I still wear leather shoes and I'm no animal lover for sure. I will label myself a strict vegetarian for health reasons.

Side note: I owe apologies to Wendy and Kelly who I thought were totally nuts because they were vegans. When Grandma died and we all met up in PA for the funeral, we all ate dinner at some restaurant and Wendy and Kelly ordered salad and baked potatoes with no butter or sour cream. That's all they got to eat and I remember thinking they were a little crazy and that I would never be able to eat like that. But I totally get it now and I wish I would've known better back then. Maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament I'm in now. You girls really kick a$$!!!

Goin' Vegan...

Well, I'm going vegan. My friend Tami will be so proud of me if she reads this. I was a partial vegetarian before but now I'm giving the vegan thing a go. I'm doing this for several reasons and I've been thinking about doing it for quite a while now. But the boost I needed was that my sister-in-law, Keira, said she was going to try it so we're doing it together. She suggested the book, "Breaking the Food Seduction" by Neal Barnard, M.D., which I bought on Amazon and it came in the mail yesterday. It's easy reading and it makes sense so I can't seem to put the book down.

This is the kids' last week of summer camp so Steve and I decided to have breakfast out and went to the Potholder Cafe. And since today is my first official day of being a vegan, I ordered the "Treehugger Sandwich." But I'm guessing I already messed up because I'm not sure of the ingredients in the whole wheat bread. It may have had milk in it. So I guess that's my first lesson: I should stay away from the stuff with questionable ingredients. But the rest of the sandwich was very good. It had sprouts, spinach, avocado and red onion. Then I added mustard.

I think the hard part will be giving up cheese and other dairy products. I love coffee in the morning but I always add half-n-half. I am going to try a lot of recipes with tofu and on the list is one I found for tofu cacciatore. Should be interesting. Anyway if there are any vegans out there reading this and you have any good advice or recipe suggestions, PLEASE feel free to comment. I invite you all to dish...