More Miracles

I had another appointment with Dr. McNamara (oncologist) at City of Hope. I prepared myself for this appointment by expecting the worst. I told Steve that I expected the doctor to tell me things looked really bad from the PET scan. However, I wasn't going to be pessimistic, I just wanted to be prepared. When you've been where I've been over the last month, there is an expectation that nothing goes as expected...therefore, I'm learning to expect the worse in a positive way if that makes any sense at all.

I was so very pleasantly surprised when Dr. McNamara said at the beginning of our appointment that he had met with a team of surgeons and oncologists regarding my case. That he had done any homework on me at all was refreshing and promising. But the real surprise was when Dr. McNamara said, "It's the consensus to start chemotherapy first and then consider surgery down the road." For the first time in the last month I think I breathed a very real sigh of relief. Don't get me wrong, we've had our miracles along the way for which I will always be grateful. But the thought of surgery again was daunting in a way that's hard to explain. And truly I don't think I would've had it in me to have surgery again so soon.

The results of the PET scan were interesting. The only cancer seen on the scan was the fibrous mass which has encapsulated my abdominal lymph nodes. Dr. McNamara said I really don't have much cancer. But the troubling part is that the location of the mass (those particular lymph nodes) usually indicate that there is cancer somewhere else. However, all the evidence suggests the only cancer I have is in that mass. I know this all seems so confusing and honestly I am always left with more questions than I went in with. Basically the important points we got from this appointment were these: 1) The only cancer they saw was the abdominal mass; 2) The cancer I have appears to be moderately aggressive; 3) I am going to begin chemotherapy March 2; 4) Surgery will happen later by a team of surgeons who really know what they're doing. Finally, I met the nurses who will give the chemotherapy treatment and they are very nice and knowledgeable.

I titled this post "More Miracles" because there are things about my illness that no one can explain and they appear to me to be miracles. We asked Dr. McNamara what caused the horrendous pain that put me in the ER in November and again in January. He couldn't explain it; he had no idea what caused that pain. What he really couldn't explain was why it disappeared so quickly and for no apparent reason. More interesting though, is that the pain came back 10 times worse in January. I know in my heart it was a miracle that the unexplained pain brought me the diagnosis. Another thing my family and I are considering a miracle is that I have been living with this cancer but my body fought hard to protect me from it. And because my body fought so hard, the cancer is contained, as far as we know, in this fibrous mass and it is not in the other organs.

We are more hopeful today than we've been in a long time. Today was a good day. Chemo begins March 2 and there's a good chance I won't lose my hair. But even if I go bald, at least I have a husband who can introduce me to all the important cold-weather gear for hair-impaired people.

As always, thanks for reading the blog and keeping my family and me in your prayers. My love and God's miracles to you all.