Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Slow Progress and First Day of Kindergarten

Hey Everyone! For the first time in a long time I find myself without words. I've had a chance to read through all the blog entries which Mike wrote and every single comment from everyone who commented and I am deeply humbled and completely overwhelmed by your love and support.

First I have to give huge praise to Mike. I knew I picked the right man for the job! I am extremely grateful for all the work he put into the blog and amazed by his incredible talent. He's back to work now so that's why we haven't heard from him and he has exciting news that he agreed to let me share with all of you. He and his wonderful wife, Keira, found out recently that they are expecting their first child! And in the same week they were also notified that the offer they made on a home (short sale of course...Keira is an AMAZING deal finder) was accepted and they are buying their first house! I can't imagine two more deserving people receiving such an abundance of great happenings. Thanks Mike for your work on the blog and CONGRATULATIONS!

Now, how do I begin to thank you all for your prayers, support, and love that has made this recovery process bearable?! I am truly indebted to you all because the thoughts and the prayers worked and continue to work everyday. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

I know I have made progress, but this recovery process is a thousand times harder than I could've ever prepared myself for and I cry a lot throughout the day. Luckily there is very little pain but the extreme fatigue makes it hard to even lift my head sometimes. I also still have quite a bit of nausea which I am hoping will subside soon. Because of the fatigue and the nausea, I went to the doctor last week because we were fearful that my hemoglobin had dropped again. I had a blood test which showed all levels were normal. The doctor explained that the fatigue is a result of the intense chemotherapy I received during the surgery. When I look back to where I've been I know I've come a long way but there are times when I feel so hopeless, like I'll never feel normal again.

Today was the kids' first day of kindergarten. I wasn't going to miss it for anything so I gathered all the strength I could muster and went to the school with the rest of my family. I thought I had prepared myself emotionally for this day. I mean, the kids had already gone to pre-school so I really thought this would be no different. We arrived at school and the kids were directed to hang their backpacks on the nearby hooks and then play on the playground until the bell rang. We parents watched as our kids quickly began making new friends. Then the bell rang. My kids froze in place and just stood there not knowing what to do. Then the teachers began corralling the kids and directing them toward the classrooms. Before lining up at the classroom door, my kids came up to give us hugs and kisses before starting their day. That's when I almost lost it but I knew if I began to cry, my kids wouldn't want to leave me. So I pushed back the tears and put on my happiest face. They seemed excited and eager until Kylie came back to me and hugged me again. She wouldn't let go and I could tell by the solemn look on her face she was uncertain about all of this. She said, "I'm going to miss you Mommy." So I gave her one last great big hug, told her I'd be back to get her soon, and then brought Janie over to hold her hand and be with her. I told them to stick together. The two girls walked hand in hand and got in line and the teacher made an announcement, "Ok kids, everyone blow your mommies and daddies a kiss and say goodbye." All 24 kids did just that and off they went into the classroom. We parents all looked so goofy peering through the window to get one last look. We left and I've been crying off and on all day. I keep looking at the clock to see if I can go pick them up but time seems to be standing still in so many ways...

12 comments:

Unknown said...

Beth! It's so great to see you on the blog again. You are so tough and strong and you do need to remember how far you have come in this short month! You're recovering from a major surgery with complications and also dealing with intense chemo.

I hope there comes a time very soon when you can look back on this time and it's hard to remember how hard it actually was. This will just be a part of your story of survival! Keep hanging in there and let the tears come - they help heal! Always thinking of you.

Steph

Brock Wills said...

Beth I'm so glad your feeling better! Your the toughest mom I know! Your going to feel a lot better! I just know it! I started
3rd Grade yesterday and I love it!


Love,
Brock Wills
(Steve Will's Son)

Auntie Barbara said...

Hi Beth, Steve, and K,R,J,

Oh, it's so good to hear from you!!! I was overjoyed when I saw your blog today. That tells me you're feeling at least good enough to write, and we so appreciate you taking the time. Sounds like you had quite an emotional first day at kindergarten. Seems as though it's always harder on the parents then on the children, they are always so abiding. Thank God for that!!!! It never ceases to amaze me how a mother, you Beth, pull yourself out of bed no matter how tired you are to be there for your beautiful "Treasures". Isn't it uncanny how you always have just enough strength to show them how much you love them. It must have been hard, but I know it was worth it. Nice to hear you do see progress even though it is slow. Glad your blood levels were normal and you're healing at a normal rate due to the amount of chemo you received during surgery...slow but sure.
Think positive and SEE yourself WHOLE! Normal is just ahead, keep looking UP!
I love the "blow your mommies and daddies a kiss". Your family in Arizona is blowing you a kiss and a hug, we are thinking and praying for you everyday. You are Loved!
P.S. Congratulations, Mike and Keira, on your new bundle of love and also your new home. Thanks again for keeping us so well informed during Beth's time off.

Aunt Kathy said...

Hi Beth, I, too was so happy to see you back on line, and so thankful to Mike,too. Tell him and Keira I said congratulations on the wonderful news. My new computer crashed and I wasn't able to check your blog since mid August. What a day you had!!! I cried, too just hearing about it.
I don't know what it is about sending our children to Kindergarten, but I remember them all as if it was yesterday. We're hoping and always praying your strength will increase everyday and the nausea will go away. You are loved so much and admired by us all. Love, Aunt Kathy (New York)

Michelle said...

Hi Beth,
So glad to hear you on the blog again and thank you and congrats to Mike and Keira. Sounds like they will be awesome parents. I am sitting here so emotional as I read your blog. I returned to my teaching position today from a two year leave and had to pry my youngest off of me as I left him with the babysitter and my middle child is starting K on Tues. It is so hard but I can't imagine dealing with it along with all the other challenges you have had to face. I am amazed every day I read a new blog of your strength, courage and determination. You will not lay down for anything and what a value you are modeling for your children. Take care Beth and I pray everyday you will gain more strength and healing.
Love, Michelle

Cory Meisner said...

I check this blog everyday just to see how your are. It is good to hear your thoughts again and know you are staying strong. Take care of yourself and know that I am thinking of you.

Cory

Ernie said...

Way to go Betty!

That's awesome that you were able to be there on their first day. I'm glad to hear you're doing better. We've been praying for you. We can't wait to see you at Mike's new house:-)

Susan said...

Hi Beth,
So glad to see your words again...which can only mean one thing! Congratulations to Mike & Kiera. They'll be old pros with all the practice they've had.
Reading about the kids' first day made me cry as I thought about my own...minus everything else your dealing with. I pray for your continued healing & that the fatigue & nausea will subside a little quicker. You continue to be an inspiration to me, Beth. Not only your strength & determination, but also as a parent & a woman. Hang in there & know time is moving, no matter how slowly, to a place where this will be another "obstacle" you conquered. I look forward to hearing about your coninued progress. God bless you. Love, Susan

Jenn Wills said...

Beth! What great news and SO nice to see you are feeling well enough to blog!!

You are an incredible example in positivity and perseverance! Thank you!!

You continue to be in our prayers and we have an army of folks praying for you at our church.

Hope the first few days of school have gone smoothly...hard to believe the triplets and Nicole are Kindergartners!!

Keep healing...pray hard!!

Jenn

Melissa said...

Thinking of you today on your birthday. It so great to hear about your Kindergarten experience. You have so much to celebrate this year. Where will you begin? We are thinking of you often and have been following the blog regularly. Thank you so much to Mike who has kept us from making phone calls that would have surely disturbed your much needed rest. We love you and can't wait to hug you in person.
Lots of love,
Melissa and Mimi

Aunt Kathy said...

Happy Birthday Beth. My prayer for your Birthday is that the nausea would disappear. I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
Love,
Aunt Kathy(NY)

Buzz said...

It's hard to read this and not to cry with you Beth. You're something else. I'm so glad you're making progress - I worried when all was silent for a while, but you came booming back in. My prayers are with you and your family. Buzz