Ups and Downs

The nurses at Holy Cross made sure to tell us before we left there that Steve would make progress and he then he would regress a little bit and that's how these situations typically go.  Well, that's proven to be true.  Steve was taken off all of his propofol (sedative) and things were really looking good.  Then late this afternoon Steve developed a bad cough.  It was so hard to watch him suffering and I kept thinking it must have been so painful.  Can you imagine having a chest tube, broken ribs, a case of pneumonia, a shattered jaw and having to cough really bad?!?!?!  The agony on Steve's face was almost more than I could bear.  During one of Steve's worst coughing fits, the doctor entered the room in what can only be described as Divine guidance.  Dr. Hanpeter immediately ordered the propofol be readministered and then he went to study recent test results so he could make an accurate assessment.

When the doctor returned, he advised that the trach tube was too small for Steven and that it was irritating him enough to cause the coughing.  He also said that tests showed that the white cell count in his lungs was higher than before, an indicator of pneumonia.  Dr.  Hanpeter increased the amount of antibiotics for the pneumonia and scheduled Steve for another bronchoscopy tomorrow morning at 9 and at that time he is going to replace the trach tube.  This will all be done at Steve's bedside.  He said that this should not cause a delay in the jaw surgery which is scheduled for 2:30 in the afternoon.

This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done...WAY harder than cancer and chemo or any other life challenge I've had up until now.  I'm trying so hard to live in the present moment for so many reasons but especially because if I imagine too far ahead, I get completely overwhelmed with sadness and heartache.  I got home tonight to touch base with the kids and get them bathed and tucked in and I had to go to Trader Joes.  It was the first time in a week that I ran a simple errand by myself.  I walked into the store, feeling emotionally just wrecked and I was struck by all the people just going about their lives as if the most important decision they would make that day was what kind of cheese to buy, American or cheddar...  The store was buzzing with people in a hurry stepping in front of me and I was just barely able to traverse the produce area without bursting into tears.

Please pray for Steven tomorrow, that each and every doctor involved in his care is Divinely guided and that all procedures result in the best possible outcome for Steven's perfect health and for the peace and acceptance of all involved. 

    

Best Moment in the Last Week

I think I just experienced the best moment I've had in almost a week.  Andrew, Robin and I were in Steven's room when the nurse, Antonio, walked in.  Antonio hadn't seen Andrew yet and he was curious about exactly who Andrew was in relation to Steven so he asked.  Andrew explained that he was Steven's oldest son.  The nurse was so surprised and said he thought Andrew was Steven's brother!  We all laughed and then Steven smiled and gave a little chuckle.  That was the most beautiful thing I've seen all week.  I'm so grateful for that moment. 

Finally Peaceful

Thank you to all who read the last post and prayed for Steve to find peace.  I went home earlier to see the kids, bathe them and tuck them in for the night and when I returned, Steven was finally resting more comfortably than I'd seen him all day.  And now it's 12:30 am and I am the only one in his room and it is quiet.  He's resting peacefully and has been since 11:30.  I love being able to sit here by myself and watch him sleep.  There's something almost normal and reassuring in this quiet time when it's just the two of us...it's familiar.  I miss him so much.

I'm staying all night so I can see the doctor when he comes in early in the morning.  Tomorrow we are going to try to keep Steven as calm and rested as possible as his first jaw reconstruction surgery is on Monday.  Dr. Urata, Dr. Hammoudeh and the team are going to set the pieces of the shattered jaw in place and wire his jaw shut.  He will also have what is called an external fixator keeping his jaw in place.  I will post more about the surgery when I know more specific details.

I would like to say a very special thank you to my sister, Juli, for the vegan meals and Jennifer Grasso who gave me a bagful of vegan treats which are going to keep me snacking all night long.  This is like the old days (2+ years ago) when I was working morning watch.  I haven't stayed up all night in over 2 years!!!  I hope I can last...

Grateful for the Unending Support

My family and I are so grateful to everyone for the amazing support we've received from so many people.  I find myself being constantly overwhelmed and humbled by the stories of friends, neighbors and even complete strangers who have offered to help in countless ways.  The meals, blood donations, donations of all kinds, babysitting and prayer support are just of few of the hundreds of ways people have stepped forward to help.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

Today has been a very rough day for Steven.  He is becoming more and more alert as the doctor has decreased the amount of sedation.  Because of that, Steven is obviously feeling more pain and he is very emotional.  I have continued to tell him that he is in the hospital and is surrounded by love and healing energy.  It finally dawned on me after talking to his mom that maybe I should tell him exactly what happened to him and why he is in the hospital.  So the last time he woke up and had a look of absolute pain and anguish on his face, I said to him, "Babe, you're in the hospital because you got shot at work."  Steve raised his eyebrows and the anguished look was replaced by a look of complete surprise as if he was saying, "REALLY?!?!  Holy crap!!!"  At that point I realized that this was probably the first time he kind of understood what was going on.  Then I started to explain where he had been shot and what his injuries were.  I mentioned that there was no need to worry about anything and that my parents were taking care of the kids and he started to cry.  It's very hard even thinking about it as I know how deeply he feels the pain of being away from them.  But I explained to him that this is all temporary and that he was going to make a full recovery.

For those who are praying, please pray that he finds peace, peace with his situation, peace with the healing process, and peace with his temporary absence from his children.   

Good Day Today

I feel very positive about Steven's progress today.  Dr. Hanpeter came in a little after noon to perform another broncoscopy and to insert Steve's feeding tube.  According to the doctor, the lungs looked better than expected which is significant because he is monitoring Steve's lungs very closely for any signs of pneumonia.  Apparently, pneumonia is common (happens in 40% of cases) when there has been blood in the lungs because the blood is food for bacteria.  Also, since the sedation medication has been scaled back a little bit, Steve has been responding to our voices by trying to open his eyes.  I can definitely tell he's hearing us and wants to wake up.

On a lighter note, I had lunch today with Me-Mom, Andrew and some of Steve's friends and we had a lot of laughs.  We had a blast remembering our favorite Steve stories and Steveisms and I know that is exactly the way he'd want it.  The only person missing was Steve.

Quick Update

I've been trying to get to the computer all day but it didn't work out until now.  So much has happened in the last 24 hours.  Last night Steve went into surgery to undergo the tracheostomy.  While in surgery, Dr. Hanpeter also removed the bullet from Steve's upper back along with additional debris.  Both procedures went very well.  Steve is looking better without the breathing tube in his mouth even though he's still on the ventilator.

The really big news is that Steve was moved today to USC University Hospital for which we are extremely grateful.  We loved the staff and care Steven received at Holy Cross but in order to have the perfect team of plastic and oral maxillofacial surgeons, Steven had to go to USC.  However, we were very lucky that Dr. Hanpeter also has priveleges at USC so he is still Steve's main doctor which we are very happy about.  All things considered, we are feeling very relieved to be here at USC with a great team of doctors and a good treatment plan and we are optimistic about Steve's recovery.

Little Signs

Andrew (Steve's son), Ashley (Andrew's girlfriend), Robin (Steve's Mom) and I went back to the hotel early this morning around 1:30 and got a few hours sleep.  It's amazing what a little rest will do to improve your outlook.  We returned to the hospital at 8 this morning and met with Steven's nurse, Karen.  There were no changes and Steven did well throughout the night.

I got an encouraging sign from Steven that made me realize he hears us when we talk to him and his personality is very much alive and well inside his sleeping body.  Thinking about all the things I wanted to tell him, I grabbed his hand and held it for a while.  Then I told him that so much has happened and I couldn't wait until he was awake so I could tell him.  At that moment he raised his left eyebrow as if to say, "No kidding!"  I loved that.

We are awaiting the arrival of Dr. Hanpeter who is the main doctor, the trauma doctor who has been treating Steve from the beginning.  Dr. Hanpeter mentioned yesterday that today Steve will likely have a follow-up CT scan of his chest and a brocoscopy to suction fluid out of his lungs.

Thank you all for the prayers...please keep them coming.