Changes

I changed the layout of the blog.  I was using such an old template before that it made it hard to make layout changes.  I'm having a hard time getting used to the new look so be forewarned, the look of the blog might change again but the content will certainly remain the same.

Some of Steve's coworkers came by yesterday to check on Steve.  Lt. Arcos brought pizza for those of us who could eat and for Steve I made butternut squash soup which he drank through a straw.  Steve had a nice visit with them and I heard a lot of laughing so I know the lightheartedness of having friends visit had to be good for Steve.  Here's a picture of the guys:

I've enjoyed hearing the questions everyone is asking Steve so I can post his answers.  If even one person is asking the question, then I know some of you may have the same question.  The one question that seems to be asked the most is, "Do you remember getting shot?"  The answer to that is yes.  Steve remembers everything up until he was being wheeled into Holy Cross Hospital Emergency Room.  Another question is, "Do you remember being in the ICU?"  Steve does not remember being at Holy Cross at all except for when he first arrived there.  He does not remember waking up when they would bring him off the sedatives for a few minutes to do neurological evaluations.  Of course Steve remembers a lot about being in the ICU at USC because he was awake and relatively alert for his last week there.  My daughter, Jane, today asked (like only a 6 year-old child can ask), "Does it hurt having those holes in your face?"  Steve said no, they do not hurt.

Physically, Steve is doing well.  The wound on his back where the doctor removed the bullet as well as the holes in his side from the chest tubes are healing well.  Steve is wondering how long it will take for the stoma (opening where the trach tube was) to close.  It seems to be taking a long time which is a little annoying to Steve because air is still escaping through the stoma.  The doctor did say it could take up to two weeks.  Steve gets winded easily but his vital signs are always good when the nurse checks them in the morning.  Steve has three doctor appointments next week and an xray so I'm sure we will know much more about how he is actually doing after those appointments.

Psychologically Steve is doing as well as can be expected.  He has a lot of ups and downs.  It's still very hard for him to sleep at night and he said that is because if he wakes up for something incidental, he can't go back to sleep because his mind races.  I noticed today that many of Steve's blue moments seem to be triggered by the way this is all affecting the kids.  Jane told Steve, "Daddy, I wish this didn't happen to you."  That broke Steve's heart.    And then the kids went to the park with their grandmother today and Jane and Ryan were fighting a lot.  When questioned about their behavior, Jane said that they wished their Daddy was there.  She mentioned that Daddy always plays "monster tag" with them when they go to the park.  That was extremely hard for Steven to hear.  He feels so responsible for causing them more pain when they've already had to deal with so much in their young lives.  When Steve has these upsets, we talk about it and sometimes I just listen.  And ultimately Steve (and I) always returns to a feeling of gratitude for where we are instead of where we could have been.