Saying Goodbye

I just said goodbye to Steve's sister, Chris, who spent the last two plus weeks with us.  She came from Washington to relieve my parents who were caring for the kids for the first week  we were with Steven in the hospital and now she has to go home.  Chris saved us in so many ways but mainly just being there for the kids, making sure their lives were minimally disrupted by what happened, and now it's time to say goodbye as she goes back home to her husband and her family.  We are already feeling the pain of letting her go.

Steven is continuing to recover and it is clear that this process is going to be a long and slow one.  As much as Steven wants to be doing more, his body just needs time to heal and that is proving to be a little frustrating for him.  He tires so easily and yesterday his temperature was slightly elevated for a period during the day.  I almost called the doctor but after a little time and a lot of rest, Steven's temperature returned to normal.  Even though Steve is still on antibiotics, there is the danger of infection from the wounds that are still healing as well as the feeding tube, pins in his jaw, and the pulmonary issues (pneumonia, etc.).  It's easy to forget about the potential complications when Steve appears to be doing so well, but they are always lurking and I have to be aware of the warning signs.

More and more, Steven is becoming aware of just how lucky he is to be alive and it hits him several times throughout the day.  He walked into the backyard yesterday to feel the sun on his skin and he broke down.  I asked him how he was feeling and he said that he just felt so grateful.  He felt grateful to be alive and grateful that his injuries weren't worse.  He felt so fortunate to be able to be with his kids and me and the rest of our family.  There are so many things throughout the day that trigger this in him and I feel very lucky to be able to be witness these moments.

I have asked Steve a lot of questions about what he experienced the night he was shot.  I had (and still have) so many questions and he has been very forthcoming with the information.  I don't know if any of you are interested in this information but here's what I asked.  I asked him if he had a sense that something wasn't right before the shooting.  He said no.  He said he had no inclination that anything was wrong, he didn't see anything out of the ordinary, and he had no gut feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong.  I asked him if he knew he had been shot.  He said he definitely knew, he knew he had gotten shot in the face and that it was bad because he knew the round had blown away some of his teeth.  However, he never tried to touch his face so he didn't know how bad that injury was.  Soon after the gunshot wound to his jaw, his mouth felt full (likely blood and tissue).  He said that the round that entered his chest was painful and he knew it was bad.  He said he was relieved that the rescue ambulance showed up within seconds because he now believes he would have died without their immediate action.  I asked him if he had a near death experience and he said no.  I asked him if he thought he was going to die and he said he knew he got hit bad but the thought of dying never entered his mind.  He said one of the paramedics kept saying, "Stay with me, stay with me."  That made me cry.  When he arrived at the hospital, he said he felt like going to sleep, like he could finally rest.