Today was brutal. I think my expectations were too high and I stupidly thought that the day after surgery Steve would somehow be kind of more a reflection of his old self. Boy was I wrong...in a big way.
I was very emotional when I woke up this morning because yesterday was so draining and yet at the same time I was so relieved thinking that the beginning of the recovery period had begun. We got to the hospital around 10 this morning and I felt so hopeful about seeing Steve. When we arrived, we were met by members of the security team who said that Steve had been awake since 7am and that he was off the sedation completely. He had woken up and had been very agitated and understandably very frustrated with his jaw being wired shut. I'm sure the inability to speak was a shock in and of itself. But then his body was in so much pain and he couldn't really move his arms at all. All of that coupled with trying to move out of the sedative fog he had been in for a week was all too much. He was angry and frustrated and trying to come off of heavy sedatives. Basically it's a terrible situation. The only saving grace is that he hopefully will not remember any of this.
This situation broke me today. It broke Steve's mom too. I can't even imagine what's going on in Steven's head. I have to remind myself of one of my favorite quotes from Ernest Hemingway that I posted a long time ago:
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.
12 comments:
Jenkins Family,
You don't know me, I'm a friend of Keith Aulick's. He worked with Steve some time ago, and he shared your blog. My husband is also a police officer here in Chicago. I can't imagine how difficult this whole ordeal has been for you. I do agree that writing in the blog is somewhat therapeutic though. We have a daughter who has been through some serious medical crisis in her life, and blogging about it does help at times. You need someplace to vent all those feelings that you have. We hope that Steve continues to recover! It sounds like he has an amazing support system! And while I'm not in L.A. to donate, I'm going to try and get to the local Red Cross to make a donation in Steve's honor.
You gave me some words of wisdom today. You walked out of the room and said " one minute at a time". Very powerful and wise words that I will now
use in my life. Hang in there, this might of been the toughest day. The LORD has and will continue to watch over the Jenkins family.
Beth, Steve and your entire family are in our prayers.
Years ago my son was hit by a truck while riding his bicycle. I was by his side almost 24 hours a day. He spoke to me during this time but after several days had passed he said, "Where have you been? Everyone else has been here to see me except you!" Of course I was shocked by his comment. He was angry, tearful and demanding for weeks which was very hard for me emotionally. My son recovered and he returned to his old self. Things will get better! Please make sure to take care of yourself. The emotional pain involved in getting through a catastrophic experience like yours is devastating. My prayers are with you and your family. Jeremiah 29:11
Beth, you and Steve are in all of our thoughts. The courage you both have is an inspiration to all of us.
Beth,
Continue to be strong, I think the worst is behind us, you have been such a solider through this miserable time. Be positive, continue to do what you have been doing and look forward.
Steve is in my thoughts and prayers each day all day.
Beth,
From what I've heard about Steve from my husband who worked with him at WB Crash, he is an incredibly strong man. From what I've seen and heard about you from people who know you, you are a very strong woman! I am inspired by both of you. You have both supported each other through incredibly difficult times.
For now, I'm sure you are tired, but as you have said "one minute at a time."
Take a deep breath and remember Proverbs 31:25 says of a wife, "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."
Prayers and healing energy to you all!
Hang in there, Beth. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Steve and your family. You are both very strong people and I know you will both come through this even stronger.
Beth and Family,
I can't comprehend just how sad you must feel
For the hurt and pain that your loved one is sufferring.
This sorrowful time must still feel unreal
And you're looking for strength from above.
I hope from my heart that your pain and his pain will decrease,
That your spirit will gain strength again,
And I pray that your faith will create inner peace
May the love of those around you help you through the days ahead.
And that God will send blessings--Amen.
Beth,
You have more strength than you know. You have a long road ahead with many ups and downs but at the end of the road is your family back together again as it should be. Hold on and make time for yourself to feel the grief of this experience. I've only met Steve a few times but I know the love he has of his family and he will fight to get back to you!
Extra prayers are coming your way Beth...prayers for peace for Steve and for you and prayers that God will continue to show His face to you when you need it the most.
Phillipians 4:13 says, "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength."
You've proved it once...and you're proving it again!
Stay strong! Many love you and many more are praying!
Beth,
We have been thinking about Steve, you and your family since the day this happened. Thank you for having the strength to write and keep us all updated on his condition. You and Steve have been in our thoughts and prayers continuously.
WIth love, Jeri (Snell) De La Torre and Antonio De La Torre
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