Ups and Downs

The nurses at Holy Cross made sure to tell us before we left there that Steve would make progress and he then he would regress a little bit and that's how these situations typically go.  Well, that's proven to be true.  Steve was taken off all of his propofol (sedative) and things were really looking good.  Then late this afternoon Steve developed a bad cough.  It was so hard to watch him suffering and I kept thinking it must have been so painful.  Can you imagine having a chest tube, broken ribs, a case of pneumonia, a shattered jaw and having to cough really bad?!?!?!  The agony on Steve's face was almost more than I could bear.  During one of Steve's worst coughing fits, the doctor entered the room in what can only be described as Divine guidance.  Dr. Hanpeter immediately ordered the propofol be readministered and then he went to study recent test results so he could make an accurate assessment.

When the doctor returned, he advised that the trach tube was too small for Steven and that it was irritating him enough to cause the coughing.  He also said that tests showed that the white cell count in his lungs was higher than before, an indicator of pneumonia.  Dr.  Hanpeter increased the amount of antibiotics for the pneumonia and scheduled Steve for another bronchoscopy tomorrow morning at 9 and at that time he is going to replace the trach tube.  This will all be done at Steve's bedside.  He said that this should not cause a delay in the jaw surgery which is scheduled for 2:30 in the afternoon.

This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done...WAY harder than cancer and chemo or any other life challenge I've had up until now.  I'm trying so hard to live in the present moment for so many reasons but especially because if I imagine too far ahead, I get completely overwhelmed with sadness and heartache.  I got home tonight to touch base with the kids and get them bathed and tucked in and I had to go to Trader Joes.  It was the first time in a week that I ran a simple errand by myself.  I walked into the store, feeling emotionally just wrecked and I was struck by all the people just going about their lives as if the most important decision they would make that day was what kind of cheese to buy, American or cheddar...  The store was buzzing with people in a hurry stepping in front of me and I was just barely able to traverse the produce area without bursting into tears.

Please pray for Steven tomorrow, that each and every doctor involved in his care is Divinely guided and that all procedures result in the best possible outcome for Steven's perfect health and for the peace and acceptance of all involved.